Belonging
by Jess.91
Summary: He'd ran away to escape and to learn, until he couldn't stay away any longer. Only at home can you learn how to belong, and it's time Lysander understood. Connected to Fire and Ice, and Heart and Home. Lysander/Lydia.
1. Chapter 1

Probably shouldn't be starting a new story so close to my exams, but what can I say? It's an addiction. So this is the third in my next-gen series, after _Fire and Ice_ and _Heart and Home_. I've a couple of one-shots that fit in to it, too, but all of it can be read independently.

I went with the majority and paired Lydia with Lysander. I've only wrote the first four chapters so far, but I think it's going to work. And, by the way, a reviewer for Heart and Home suggested I write an epilogue kind of thing with Mason going to to Hogwarts - would anyone else be interested in reading that, as a one-shot or Jigsaw Piece, because I like the idea?

Belonging

Chapter 1

_He couldn't take it anymore. Listening to Lily talk about her honeymoon, listening to the family say what a great wedding it was, what a nice guy Scorpius was. They loved Scorpius, all of them, and had welcomed him into the family._

_He'd decided he wasn't in love with Lily. Was sure he wasn't. And she was married now, after all._

_But that didn't mean he didn't wonder, didn't sort of wish..._

_She looked so right with Scorpius, and the two of them were so in sync. That hurt the most, really. That they were so obviously perfect for each other._

_He couldn't take it. The family, the family he loved but weren't really his, were suffocating him. He had to get away, from them, from Lily and Scorpius and their overt happiness. Had to get away from the damn country._

_As the solution hit him, Lysander pushed his hair back. They weren't going to take it well. But this was the only way for him._

_-------------_

_"I'm going away for a while."_

_He didn't expect the absolute silence at his statement, but decided he shouldn't really have been surprised._

_"Where?" His brother asked, stunned, and Lysander realised, too late, that he should have told Lorcan first, separately._

_"Everywhere. I want to – to see the world."_

_"Why?" Lily was looking at him, bewildered, and he was tempted to reply, "because of you". But it wasn't, really. It was mostly about him._

_"I just – I just need to get out there. It's just something I have to do."_

_"How long?" Lydia asked. It would be easier, Lysander decided, if it wasn't those closest to him asking the questions._

_"Um, I don't exactly know. I haven't set out definite plans. And, I mean, I'll come home, visit, you know?"_

_"How long'll you be gone, Zander?" His mother asked. Lysander avoided meeting her gaze._

_"Six months or so. Maybe longer. Maybe a year."_

_The atmosphere turned awkward. Suppressing a sigh, Zander sat down. It was going to be a long afternoon._

---------------------

It hurt. It had been more than a year, now, and he could finally admit to himself that it was no longer worth it. Going home for a day, a weekend, every now and then wasn't enough.

He was no longer protecting himself from pain, he was causing himself it. Lysander laid out on a bed – the mattress was thin and the sheets itched but he couldn't afford anything better, having eradicated most of the savings fund his parents had set up for him when he was an infant – looking up at the ceiling. And thinking of home.

He'd left home, friends, family, for a variety of reasons. Firstly, because Lily had got married, and he still hadn't been over that _thing _he'd had for her. It had bothered him that she was married, in love with someone else, because for a long time he'd pictured her being married to and in love with him. Maybe he'd been in love with her. He thought not, now, but at the time...

Secondly, he _had _wanted to see the world. Wanted to see more than the few parts of England he'd experienced.

And thirdly, he'd had to prove to himself that he could. That he could leave the loving home his parents had provided him and his twin, he could leave the close security of the friends he trusted beyond anything, and leave the safe cocoon of the extended family that treated him as their own.

When he'd left, that rainy, late Autumn day, promising to be home for Christmas (a promise he'd kept, even if he'd broken so many others) he'd been angry. At himself. At Scorpius. At Lily, even, becuase she'd only ever looked at him and seen a friend, an honorary cousin. And he'd been determined to figure things out.

He'd never, like Lorcan or Lydia or even Ally and Mitch, accepted without thought that the extended Weasley family, though not tied to them by blood, were theirs. He could never understand just why Molly Weasley thought of him as a grandson, just why he called all those people uncles and aunts, or why, in fact, he called Molly and Arthur Grandma and Grandad. He'd heard, read, understood, that family wasn't always, and in fact shouldn't be, just expected, given, because of blood and birth. A little thing like DNA didn't entitle a person to the benefits of a family, nor mean that they had to put up with the downfalls. Family ought to be earned.

He understood that, liked the philosophy of it. But he knew that he'd done _nothing_ to earn the Molly Weasley and her family, and so didn't understand why they were his.

He still didn't, but that was less important to him now. Lysander had seen the world, he'd convinced himself he was over Lily and he'd hurt his family in the process.

He missed them, so much now that it was a physical ache. So tonight, he thought of home.

And knew he had to go back.


	2. Chapter 2

Big, big thanks to reviewers. Was already in a pretty good, if tired mood, 'cause it was my 18th birthday party last night, so to then see more reviews was great. This is more background setting stuff, but Lysander will come home in the next one. I just want to make something clear - Lydia isn't in love with Lysander here. She just depended, a lot, on her friends, and feels let down by Lysander.

Chapter 2

She hated being an adult.

Lydia hadn't ever really been one of those people who wish to get older. She'd never had grand plans for her adult life, never pictured what she'd look like as a grown-up, never had an impatience to rid herself of her childhood and adolescence.

Maybe if she'd thought about it, made plans, formed real, solid dreams and goals, she'd enjoy being an adult more.

But she hadn't, and she didn't. In fact, Lydia hated every minute of it.

She hated looking for a house. None of them were _right_, none of them were meant for her. She hated that she felt the need to buy a house – why couldn't she just follow Mitch, and rent a flat?

Well, that was because she hated flats, she had to admit. She needed space, needed proper rooms. Needed a damn staircase.

Not that she disliked living above the pub. Yes, they had a handful of decidedly small rooms, all on the same level. Yes, sometimes she could hear arguments and laughter and even conversations from the guests in the other rooms. But it was home, it was where she'd grown up, and she couldn't _not_ love it.

But she'd known, as soon as she'd got to Hogwarts, that she needed a house. She'd loved the castle, the huge rooms, the wide staircases, the sheer space. And while, obviously, she couldn't live in a castle, she'd go crazy in a flat.

So she had to get a house. And buy it, too, because if she didn't it wouldn't feel like hers.

She hated the whole finding-a-career thing, too. She was twenty, and knew that she ought to have one picked out by now. Knew that her parents worried about her and some acquaintances believed she lacked ambition.

Truth was, Lydia didn't know what she wanted out of life, and couldn't commit to anything until she did.

For now, she was working the bar. Couldn't do so forever, of course. The pub was Mitch's, and they'd known for years that when Hannah wanted to give it up, Mitch would take over.

Working for her brother definitely wasn't part of Lydia's life plan. And, when she'd really considered it, she'd decided bar work wasn't her forte, either.

"Hey, Mrs M." She said brightly to a middle aged witch. "Gillywater, right?"

"Yup. And how are you, Lydia? And your family – your sister's sweet little baby is well, I trust?"

"He's great." Lydia's face brightened. "He's getting so big already, and he's always smiling. Well, for me, anyway. Ally says he screams all the time, but he likes me."

They chatted for several minutes after Lydia passed over the drink and dealt with the money, then she moved onto the next customer. She liked it well enough, she mused. Talking to people, catching up with the regulars and getting to know the newcomers. But it wasn't her future, not really.

"Lydia!" She turned at the call of her name, away from an elderly man starting on his daily firewhiskey. One a day, he told Lydia often, kept him young. While she doubted it was really all that good for his health, it wasn't her place to say so.

"Lorcan, hey." She smiled at one of her oldest, closest friends. He was her age, though much taller than her, and still had his purple hair. A backfired spell age fourteen had coloured it, and Lorcan had loved it, kept it, ever since. Lydia assumed that, one day, he'd change it back, and fiercely hoped he never would. Her smile faded when she caught sight of his face. "What is it? What's happened?"

They were several feet away, but he didn't try to move any closer, just looked at her with eyes glassy from shock.

"They're publishing it. The story. They're publishing it, and they want me to write more."

Only a heartbeat passed, before her face split into a grin and, with a cry of delight, she vaulted over the bar and ran at him. He caught her, hugged her, and laughed.

"I can't believe it. I can't believe it." He swung her around, smiling vaguely at the applauding customers. "Rose cried. When I told her, she cried."

"Of course she cried." Lydia drew back, kissed him loudly on the mouth. "She loves you, stupid, and we all know what this means to you."

"I can't believe it. I still can't believe it. I haven't told my parents yet. I know my mum said she didn't have a problem with it, but still -"

"Aunt Luna understands, Lorcan. She told you she didn't mind you writing it all down, getting it out there."

"I know, but it's all real to her, all the creatures -"

"Lorcan, honey, your mother isn't an idiot. And she'll be very, very proud of you. Have you told the others? Lily? Hugo? Ah, Zander?"

Lorcan's smile dimmed for a fraction of a second. "No, not yet. Lily's at work, and I'm on my way to the store to tell Hugo. Um, I'll write to Zander later."

Lydia kept her smile in place, and decided that if Lysander Scamander didn't come home to see his brother, she'd hunt him down and kill him.

"Well, you go tell Hugo, and when you come back here you'll get free drinks."

"We always get free drinks."

"Pretend you don't and it's special." She grinned at him. "Lily should be able to take an hour for lunch. I'll get in touch, get her over here, and you can tell her. We'll have a little celebration."

"OK. OK. This is, this is amazing. God, Lydia, I've wanted this for years."

"I know. I'm so proud of you. Go on, go tell Hugo."

She was still smiling when she went back to bar, and would have given everyone in the pub drinks on the house if she hadn't been absolutely certain her mother would kill her for it.

"You make a lovely couple." Remarked a women at a nearby table where her young son toyed with his food.

"Hmm? Oh, no, we're not a couple. He's my..." What, she wondered? Friend, brother, cousin? After a moment, she went with the technical. "One of my best friends. We're sort of family."

No blood between them, but as far as she was concerned he was as good as her brother, as good as her family. Hadn't Molly Weasley claimed them both as her honorary grandchildren, after all?

With a smile for the solemn eyed kid, she went to contact Lily.

---------------

"To Lorcan!" Lily cried, her glass in the air. For the third time, glasses clinked, the toast was repeated, and liquids swallowed.

Lorcan beamed. They would, later, have a proper family party. But for now, it was nice to be just with his oldest, closest friends, even if there was a part of him that wished Rose was here, too.

"You've all gotta buy the book." He said. "Everyone needs a copy or I'll never speak to you again."

"Ha, promise?" Lily asked.

"You gonna sign them?" Hugo asked innocently, then grinned at Lorcan's narrowed eyes. "Might be worth something someday."

"Ha. Hilarious. Can always count on you guys." But he was grinning.

"You bettcha." Lydia beamed at him. "I like this. It's nice." She sat back in her chair. "Like old times."

"You mean when the older kids'd play their games and we'd be shoved in a corner, too young to join in?" Lily inquired casually.

"Exactly." Lydia flashed a smile. "God, I hated that. At the time, it was the worst insult ever. I'd give anything to be that age again."

"Was easier, wasn't it?" Hugo nodded.

"Ah, c'mon, things are pretty good now." Lily replied, then turned to Lorcan. "You told Zander about this?"

Lorcan shifted uncomfortably. "Kinda. I, um, I went to my parents this afternoon, after our lunch-time celebration." He grinned at that. The twenty-minute celebration had ended with plans to meet again this evening, for another one. "She was planning to write to him anyway, so I wrote my bit, she wrote hers. I think she's gonna ask him to come home."

"Huh. Good luck." Lydia replied. "Zander won't come home till he chooses, and no one is important enough to make him."

"Lydie..." Lily murmured. Lydia forced a brighter smile on her face.

"Sorry. Forget it. Ah, I'll be back in a sec. Ladies' room." She stood, picked her way carefully through the crowd and flashed a smile at the part-time bartender before making her way up the stairs. She sat, halfway up the staircase, and sighed.

"Lydie?" It was Lorcan at the bottom of the staircase, though she'd expected Lily.

"Hey. I'm sorry. Go on, I'll be out in a minute."

He ignored her, climbed the stairs and sat next to her. "I'm sorry my brother's such an idiot."

"Me, too." She sighed a little. "I'm so mad at him. I can't get past it. It's been months, and I still can't get past it. Damn it, Lorcan, I begged him to come home. Ally – I thought Ally might need the whole family around her. And I, I needed my friends."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's not even just that. Mason's six months old now, and Lysander's come home to see him _once_. For a day, Lorcan. It's my _nephew_ for God's sake. Mine and Lily's nephew, and he – he doesn't even care."

"Grandma sent him pictures." Lorcan murmured. "And he does ask about him, how he is. But you're right. And he definitely should have come home when you asked. I'm really sorry."

"I've never been let down before. And I never expected one of my best friends to let me down like that." She shook her head, stood. "C'mon. This is your day. I'll be mad at your brother later."

"Lydia. He will come home. I don't know exactly what's going on with him, but – when he left, he was hurting."

"I know." Together, they walked down the stairs.


	3. Chapter 3

Again, thanks. I don't have the time to personally thank all of you, but the reviews mean a lot.

Chapter 3

Now he was here, back in England, Lysander wished to be anywhere else. Childish, cowardly, weak, yes. But he couldn't help it. It had been months since he'd even visited, and even then he'd stayed barely a day and spent hardly any one-on-one time with anyone, and he knew that his pathetically short letters (notes, really) annoyed his family, and he still hadn't managed to apologise to Molly for missing her birthday, and he'd only seen Ally and James' son once.

So he half wanted to run. To be anywhere else. Italy, Canada, Athens, China, anywhere but here.

Didn't have to go _home_, he mused. He could spend a few days in his country, see the countryside, the cities. He could go up to Scotland, over to Wales, or even to Ireland. He didn't have to face the family he'd neglected, the friends he'd all but ignored.

Lysander rubbed a hand down his face. Yes, yes he did. He'd planned out the exact order he'd greet everyone, too. So he closed his eyes, thought of his parents' house. And, despite all the worry, felt the first hints of safety.

-----------

It was just starting to get dark when Luna Scamander heard the doorbell ring. It was a long, tinkly tune, one that she'd chosen and her husband and boys had indulgently agreed to use. She walked to the front door, opened it with a smile, and then felt her mouth drop open. Her hands shook, ever so slightly, as her son smiled sheepishly at her.

"Lysander." She managed, forcing herself to calm down, even as a huge smile spread across her face.

"Hi, Mum. I, um, guess I should have let you know I was coming home but -" He got no further, as his mother threw herself forward and he broke off as he busied himself catching her. It was only as he heard a muffled sob that he realised just how much his abadonment had hurt his mother. Odd, that the sting of guilt would appear now, after so much time, when he'd finally come home for good.

"I'm sorry." He mumbled. "I'm really sorry. I'm home now, Mum, I'm home."

Luna released him, composed herself. "Why did you ring the doorbell? You don't have to _ring_, silly."

He only smiled weakly. Luna moved so he could step inside.

"Are Dad and Lorcan home?"

"Dad's upstairs. Lorcan's at his home. Remember, I told you he'd moved in with Rose?"

"Oh. Right." Lysander flushed guiltily as he remembered his brother's request to visit, so he could help with the move and attend the housewarming party.

He'd written something about trying to get home for it, and then sent along some excuse, a few days before the move. He didn't remember the excuse, but he remembered his brother's decidedly annoyed reply, and he remembered standing in the street in Tokoyo, thinking that he really ought to have gone home, but he'd rather not.

"I guess I'll go say hi to Dad." He found himself longing to see his father and yet reluctant to leave his mother. Now he was here, in the house he'd grown up in, with his mother - so _familiar_ - he wondered how he could ever have left.

"I'll get Lorcan over here. You'll want to see him." Luna stated. Lysander nodded and started for the stairs, trying not to remember just how strained his and Lorcan's relationship was at the moment.

Lysander knocked once on the door of his father's study, then entered. Rolf Scamander was leaning over his desk, squinting at a sheet of parchment, and Zander smiled at the familiarity of it. A tall, dark haired man, his father was just starting to go bald, and there was a faint sprinkle of grey present. His bright, blue eyes didn't provide perfect vision, but Rolf, forever misplacing his glasses, often just leaned closer to a text and squinted at it.

"Hi, Dad." Lysander said brightly, knowing that, despite the knock, his father wouldn't look up until spoken to. Rolf started speaking absently - "I didn't know you were coming over Lorcan -" before looking up and seeing _which_ son was stood in his doorway. His face split into a grin and he stood up so fast he knocked his chair over. "Zander!" Within seconds, Lysander found himself crushed in his father's embrace.

There was guilt, and hurt that his father had assumed it would be Lorcan in the house (in the country) but mostly, mostly it was just good to be home.

--------------------

He was halfway through the plate of food his mother had lovingly handed him when the front door opened and Lorcan called out. It was Rolf who answered him, but when Lorcan entered the kitchen his gaze fixed firmly on his brother.

"So the rumours are true, then." Lorcan said casually, his thumbs tucked in his pockets, even if his emotions were all over the place. "The wanderer returns."

"Yup. You miss me?" Zander replied, setting his plate down, his tone matching his brother's. They were almost identical, except from the hair - Zander's was shorter, neater and it's natural light brown, while Lorcan's was long enough to fall into his eyes, messier, and the same shade of purple it had been since he was fourteen. The style they'd both pretty much always had.

"Nah. Barely noticed you were gone." Lorcan shrugged. As his brother laughed, Lorcan noticed the coin hanging from a black string around his neck. Luna had found them on one of her trips, when the both of them were kids. On each coin, a different side was faded into smoothness. Lorcan could still remember the day Luna had presented them with the coins, telling them something about the two of them being different sides of a coin, too.

His was at home, on his bedside table. But it pleased Lorcan for some unknown reason to see that Lysander was wearing his.

"Like hell." Zander replied, grinning. In unspoken agreement, both boys moved forward and embraced.

"Wondered when you'd show your face round here." Lorcan said as they broke apart, and helped himself to half a slice of Zander's cheese on toast. "Starting to forget what you look like."

"Look in a mirror, genius, it'd give you a good indication." Zander replied, causing both his brother and parents to laugh.

"Didn't miss you at all, bro, but it's good to have you home."

And Zander didn't bother to question exactly how Lorcan knew he was staying for good, but it was clear in his eyes that he did.

--------------------------------

When Zander woke up in his old bedroom, he spent several long minutes looking up at the ceiling. Several faded stickers were still there, though their glow-in-the-dark powers had faded over the years. His childhood things still cluttered the shelves, his teenage posters still hung on the walls, and photographs were still crowded on the noticeboard.

He ached with nostalgia. God, he missed the place, in a way he couldn't truly understand until he'd returned for good. He loved the way his door stuck, so that took several hard, loud tugs to open it or close it all the way. He loved the way the third and seventh stairs down creaked. He loved running his hand over the banister and feeling numerous stratches and dents, and knowing he and Lorcan had caused most of them.

"Morning." He greeted his mother in the kitchen, and tried to ignore the way her eyes seemed to glow at him. She was pleased to have him home, he knew, and, far from feeling glad about it, it made him feel guilty and nervous. Guilty becuase he hadn't come home nearly often enough, and nervous because he knew he had to stay. Even though he'd already made the decision, now all choice was gone; he couldn't bear to leave this place again, to hurt his family again. And though he loved being home, not having the option of escape made him...itchy.

"Morning, love. There's coffee - toast -"

"Great. Um, mum, I, ah, I'm staying." He had to make sure she understood he wasn't leaving again - maybe then she'd stop _looking_ at him. "I mean, I'm home for good. I'm done."

Luna nodded, though she felt close to tears. It had been horrific, her boy, out there, all alone, and so distant. Not just phsyically - when he wrote, when he visited, he'd been distant.

"That's good. We've missed you." She murmured.

"I missed you, too. All of you. Um, I thought I try to see Hugo and Lydia and Lily today."

"I would. They wouldn't be very happy with you if you didn't." Luna smiled. Lysander resisted muttering that they weren't very happy with him anyway, though it was close.

"Right. And then I was going to go to the Burrow."

"Smart boy." Luna replied, and Zander grinned. Both knew, after all, that if he didn't get to Molly before she heard he was home from someone else, he'd be in big trouble.

-------------------------------------

He went for Hugo first, mostly because Hugo was at the WWW store in Diagon Alley, and it meant he could go through the Leaky Cauldron to Lydia and then to the ministry to Lily. All workplaces, but in the circumstances he supposed it was OK. And he didn't care if it wasn't; he had to see them.

So he apparated to outside the origonal Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, and took a moment to take in the differences in the display window. Then he walked inside, through the crowd, to the counter.

"Hardly working, I see." Was his greeting, and then he grinned as Hugo looked up, and blinked.

"Who is this stranger?" Hugo replied. "He looks familiar and yet I don't recognise him."

"Ha ha. I saw you a couple months ago." Longer, actually, but neither of them mentioned it.

"Huh. You never call, you never write, I must have erased you from my memories."

"And yet, unfortunatly, I am unable to forget _your_ ugly face." Zander leaned on the counter, felt his grin widen. "How've you been, moron?"

"Just fine, loser. And you?"

"Good, yeah. I'm wondering when exactly we regressed to being ten, but good." He couldn't help the grin. He was _back_, all the way back, in a way he hadn't been since he'd first left.

"So, you sticking around for a while, or is this a one-day thing?" Hugo asked, then shook his head. "Hold that, paying customer. Way more important than you. Good morning." And dealing with the customer gave him time to erase the hope from his face. He couldn't put into words how much he'd missed his other best male friend, or how hard it was to keep watching him come back and leave again straight away.

Zander watched Hugo handle the transaction, chatting politely with the customer until he was done, then replied. "Sticking. Actually, I think I'm home for good." There was no "think" about it, no doubt.

"Yeah?" Hugo's expression was neurtal, but his eyes lit with pleasure. "Finished seeing the world, then?"

"Yup. It's not as great as they say. Think you could gimme a job while I sort myself out?" He hadn't planned on asking, hadn't thought about it, but he was dangerously low on funds.

"You? Huh. You're lazy, often late, irritating and moody. No one else'll hire you so I guess I better." Hugo shrugged, then jerked his head to tell Zander to move, for another customer. "Good morning." He glanced back at Zander while he rang up the purchase, even though he usually made it a rule to concentrate only on the customer. "You're in luck, actually, 'cause one of our assistants is going on maternity leave next week. We were still looking for a replacement."

"With a week to go? Jeez, I'm suprised this place hasn't fallen apart with you in charge."

Hugo didn't shoot back a witty reply as Zander had expected. Instead, he handed the customer her change, then grinned at Zander. "Nice to have you back, mate."

-------------------------------------

When Lysander entered the Leaky Cauldron from the back, he scanned the bar, looking for Lydia, who Hugo had assured him was working today. Instead, he saw a twenty-something guy he didn't recognise. It took only a quick scan of the rest of the room, however, to locate her at a table, a few people around her, and a bright eyed baby on her knee. For a moment, he was confused, then flushed with guilt as he realised the baby must be her nephew.

He'd seen the baby once. A few weeks after Mason's birth, he'd managed a day, then refused offers to stay longer, insisting there was some event in Australia he wanted to attend. He remembered the suffocating pressure of trying to see everyone, remembered how hurt Lydia had been. They'd been together in a group, and she'd barely spoken to him, so he knew she was still mad.

Now, Mason was four months old, and smiling at the strangers who cooed over him. Zander moved forward slowly, then paused at the table, thumbs hooked in his jeans pocket.

"Hey, stranger." He said calmly.

Lydia's head snapped up, a range of emotions flitted across her face. "Zander." A long silence passed; the people around the table took the hint and moved back. "Ah, no one told me you were coming home."

"No one knew." He replied. He looked at her, taking in ever change, as he had with his brother, and with Hugo. "I got in last night. How - how are you?"

She only nodded.

"This must be Mason, then?"

"Yeah. Mine and Lily's nephew." She replied, and he grinned. Not Ally's baby, or even James and Ally's baby. How...Lydia.

"He's grown. Cute, though."

"Yeah. He is." She was still staring at him, stunned. No one had told her, was all she thought, and she was so unprepared for seeing him. She hadn't had time to suppress all her anger and hurt, to convince herself to play nice. So she just stared.

"Look, Lydie, let's just get this out of the way. I'm sorry. I know I should have come home when you asked. I...It...There's no excuse. I have...reasons for going. But I'm sorry, for the way I treated you all."

"OK." She nodded, and he knew that she wasn't entirely satisfied. But she was Lydia, the master of forgiving and forgetting. "You gonna hug me and my nephew, or just stand there all day?"

He grinned, opened his arms, and, when she stood and moved closer to him, wrapped them around her and the baby. Mason instantly patted his face with a sticky hand.

"I missed you. But I'm home now. Ah, for good." Couldn't leave. Not ever again.

She relaxed a little more, knowing it would easier to forgive him if he stayed. If he'd have left them again, maybe they'd never have gone back. As it was, they'd have to argue it out, soon. But not now, not when he'd just got back and she hadn't seen him in months and the baby was here. They broke apart, and she held out the boy. "Say hello to my gorgeous nephew, then. I don't think he remembers you."

Dubiously, he lifted the baby from her, held him up. Big grey eyes, dark hair, and a bright smile. "He's a beauty, alright. When is the wedding, by the way?"

Lydia grinned again. The hurt was gone from her eyes now, though he knew that it was still there, somewhere. "Two months. They're planning it in record time. And James' adoption of Mason has been started, too, not that'll it make any difference. You know, Lily'll be here in about five minutes."

"Here?" Good, he thought, noting the absense of nerves, butterflies, dread or anything other that happiness at seeing one of his closest friends. He was _definetly _over that _thing,_ and it was about time, too. "I was going to go to the ministry and see her."

"She knows I've got Mason, so she's coming over, taking an early lunch break. Now, gimme my nephew and tell me all about the world."

She could play nice, for now, out of loyalty, affection, and the fact that Lily was on her way. Then, later, they'd fix this.

-------------------------

Lily made an entrace, letting the door bang shut behind her. The pub was nearly empty, now, and so she saw Lydia, Lysander and Mason easily.

"I'd love to know, mister, why I you didn't come to see _me_." She said loudly, and watched Zander's uncertain grin appear.

"Was gonna, but Lydie said you'd be coming here so I decided to be lazy." He stood. "Hugo tell you?"

"Yeah. _You_ should have." She fixed her best glare on him.

"Probably. Sorry. Do I get a hello hug?"

Lily paused, looking at him. "OK. Let me just make one thing clear. I am very, very, _very _pissed off with you for leaving, and for those pathetic little things you call letters and for not coming home for months. _But_ since you _were _one of my bestest, oldest friends, I'll hug you."

With something between a laugh and a sob she ran at him, threw her arms around his neck. "I missed you, you jerk."

"I know. I missed you too."

And he had. He'd missed Lily, his friend, not Lily, the girl he'd had some stupid crush on. And now, he had his _friend_ back.

He'd been away far, far too long. But the trip had achieved some of it's objectives.

--------------------------------------

He knocked on the back door of the Burrow, then walked in. Molly was at the oven, busy with food. The familiarity of it briefly created a lump in his throat. "Grandma?"

She turned, looked at him. "Wondered when you'd come over. Rose told me you were home."

"I figured I'd go see her and some of the others tomorrow." He said, and then, because he had to, he closed the distance between them and hugged her. She noted how tall he was, how thin, how grown up, and remembered, vividly, the solemn little boy he'd been.

"It's nice to have you home, dear." Molly told him, releasing him.

"It's good to be home." Later, he'd decided, he would talk to her, ask her all the questions he needed to ask. For now, though...

"Sit down." Molly said, gestering to the table. "You need feeding."

He grinned, nodded, and sat. Yup, Lysander Scamander was finally home.


	4. Chapter 4

Took me longer than I planned to get this up, sorry. Thanks a lot for reviewing.

Chapter 4

He paused and watched her for a moment. It had been a long time since he'd seen Lydia working at the bar. She'd worked here loads of times, of course, waitressing at times, and at the bar when she was legal. She was good at it, he thought, seeing the way she poured a drink with one hand, taking a bottle from the shelf with another, all the while chatting brightly with the customer.

She glanced up, saw him, and for a moment he watched her emotions struggle before a smile settled on her face. Still mad, he decided, still hurt.

Damn.

He smiled back, lifting a hand in greeting, then sauntered towards the bar. He nodded to a couple of familiar faces but didn't speak, didn't pause, because he couldn't be bothered with the catch-up routine.

He reached the bar, leaned against it, and offered his best smile. "Hey. How're you?"

"Fine." She smiled at him, at least. Not quiet as warm as usual, but a smile all the same. "What's your poison?"

"Anything. I don't care." He hated knowing he'd hurt her. Though he knew, rationally he _knew_, that Lydia was a strong person, there was something very fragile about her appearence that amplified the guilt whenever anyone hurt her. This would be a lot easier, he decided, if she was taller, built bigger. Instead, she was tiny and built like a pixie.

She rolled her eyes at him, then handed him a bottle of butterbeer. "On the house." She said with a smirk. Assuring him, he supposed, that the free drinks for family policy still applied to him.

"Butterbeer? What am I, twelve?"

"You said you didn't care." She pointed out mildly. He rolled his eyes, but grinned and sipped the familiar drink. "Besides, it's only four. Early to start on the real drinks."

"Suppose. You gonna start acting normal with me anytime soon?" He kept his tone as casual as hers.

She blinked at him, and her smile disappeared. "What?"

"C'mon, Lydie. This isn't _us_." Wasn't, wouldn't be. "We don't do professional smiles and polite small talk. I know what I've done -"

"Do you? Do you really?"

"Yes. But how am I supposed to fix it if you don't tell me how?"

"Figure it out." She snapped. She turned, looked at the young, fresh-faced girl at the other end of the bar. "Joanie, I'm going on my break. Ten minutes."

She didn't spare Lysander another glance, but stormed out of the door to the back rooms.

He pushed away from the bar and followed her.

"Leave it, Zander." She said, without looking back, heading up the stairs. "I can't talk to you right now."

"Tough." He took the steps two at a time, caught up with her at the top. "The sooner we talk this out, the sooner we're fixed, and I'm not leaving until we're fixed."

"Why? Leaving's what you do, remember?" She didn't mean to say it, but couldn't quite bring herself to regret it.

He blinked, almost took a step back. There was such anger and something kin to spite in her tone, and he'd never heard her sound like that. "That was cold, Lydia."

"Maybe." She replied evenly. "But so are you."

She turned, walked to the door that led to hers and her parents' living quarters. He had to run a little, but he caught the door before she could slam it shut and followed her into the neat, small living room.

She threw herself into a sofa, and glared at him. "Talk."

"Yes, boss." He sat, too, looking at her. "I've already said I was sorry."

"Mm-hmm."

"Lydia. You're being impossible." But she so rarely was impossible that it was hard to be annoyed. "And I'm not cold. Maybe I don't have the same warmth as Lorcan or Lily, and I don't know anyone with _your_ warmth, but I'm not cold. I know I should have come home when you asked me to. I know I should have visited more often. But you know, you're making this out to be bigger than it is."

"Right. Because when a friend, a close friend who I care about, leaves the country, refusing to explain himself or see his friends - his close friends who he claims to care about - alone before he goes, even though they're worried about him, I'm not allowed to be mad." Her voice sounded almost calm, but he could hear the underlying anger.

"Look, I -"

"And when that friend starts visiting home less and less, writing a lot less than he promised, and breaking other promises and missing obligations, worrying his parents, his brother, his friends, I'm not supposed to be mad." Her voice was slightly louder.

"Lydia -"

"And when I write to that friend, asking him to come home, to support me, and someone else he claims to care for, to be there for his damn friends and family, I'm not at all entitled to be mad. And hurt." Her voice had risen even more, but the last sentence was quiet.

"I said I was -"

"Of course I'm _making this out to be bigger than it is_. I'm just being stupid. Overly-sensitive. You've done absolutely nothing wrong."

Finally finished, she sat back and waited. She didn't glare. She rarely glared. Even if a glare would have fit very well right now.

"OK. OK. One at a time then, how about that?" He said finally, because being logically, clinical was the only way he could think of. "I'm sorry I worried you. I couldn't explain my reasons for leaving, and since I knew you'd all try to get it out of me, yes, I avoided seeing you before I left."

"Was easy, since you left a day after you told us you were going." She hadn't realised she was still annoyed at that part, too.

"I had reasons, Lydie, and you've no right to be this mad at me for not sharing them. I don't care how long we've been friends, I don't have to tell you everything. You should just accept I had reasons, and that you don't know them."

"Don't _know _them? What, now I'm blind and stupid?" She snapped it, and he blinked. Two angry outbursts from Lydia in a matter of minutes, he mused, and wondered if that had ever happened before.

"Of course I knew why you left. You think I didn't _see_? Your face when Lily and Scorpius got together. And when they got engaged. The way your mood-swings got worse as the wedding approached. I _knew_ Zander, but you know, I'm a good friend, so I never said a word. Not to Lily, to Lorcan, or even to you because I didn't want to embarrass you."

She stopped, and winced. His mouth was open, his eyes wide.

She'd never said a word, he thought, and he'd only ever told one person. It was his deepest, darkest secret, one that had chased him around the world, and all the while, she'd known.

"I'm sorry." She murmured. "I never intended to say anything. Really. You're...entitled to your privacy, and if you didn't want to talk about being in love with Lily, that was your right. But you know, you could've talked to me at anytime."

"You knew. You knew that was why I left?" He murmured.

"Few weeks after the wedding. Big clue. Ah, I figured you wanted to get over it, and not see them together while you did. But, damn it Zander, you abandoned us, hurt us. And, I'll admit, it seemed stupid to me, a stupid way to deal with it."

"It wasn't the only reason. I really did want to see the world, and there was some other stuff, too. Ah, I didn't mean to hurt anyone. And I did plan to come home more often. It just...the less I came home, the easier it was to stay away."

She paused, glanced out of the window then met his gaze. "Are you over her now?"

"Yes. To be honest, I think I made it out to be more than it really was. And I was never - I wasn't actually in love with her. I'd liked her since I was, like, ten, and so after a while it became...just a constant thing. I ignored it mostly, and thought I was over it, until she got together with Scorpius. Then it was like - as if she'd rejected me, even though I'd never even tried...Then I actually decided that when she and Scorpius broke up, _I'd_ try to get together with her. Only they..."

"Never broke up." Lydia murmured. "They got married instead."

"Exactly. I actually told Scorpius about it, when they got engaged. I, um, sort of thought he should know. It was just difficult, to see them together and wonder what could have happened."

"So you ran away." There was no judgment in her voice, he noted with relief.

"Yes." He sighed a little. "I was being dramatic, I think. Tortured soul. It's a nice part to play. Fits with the painting. Artisitic temperment."

"The painting? You're still doing that?" She smiled, sat back a little, and he assumed that the fight was over. And, he thought, she seemed to have forgiven him. With a slight smile, he wondered if a lot of Lydia's annoyance was because he hadn't shared his problems with her.

"Yeah, on and off. There's some beautiful places out there. I sketched, painted, them. But I guess now I've got a job, I won't have the time."

"The shop isn't going to take up that much time. You're a wonderful artist, you should keep up with it. Who knows, maybe you could make a career out of it?"

"Nah. It's just a hobby. I'm not talented enough." He shrugged a little. Too old, he reminded himself, for silly dreams. Too old to believe he could live off his pictures.

"That's what Lorcan said." Lydie told him. "Remember? He always said that about his writing, and now look. A book being published, more on the way. At least look into it."

He rolled his eyes, but smiled. It was good to have Lydia back. "Yeah, maybe. So, who's the chick at the bar? I don't recognise her."

"Joanie? She's Danny's niece. She's covering for him for a little bit, he had to take some time off. His wife - Myleen, you met her a few times - went into labour seven weeks early. Baby's fine, now, but it was touch and go for a little while."

And, Lysander knew - because he knew Lydia - she would have worried about that baby until she was certain the kid was alright. He smiled. "Hey, how about, since we're buddies again, you buy me a drink?"

"Shouldn't you be buying?" She replied, her eyebrows raised, smirking.

"I would, but until payday I'm dirt poor. C'mon, we've been friends forever, you could buy me one little drink -"

"Can't." She interrupted. "Going to look at a house in a little while."

"Look at a house." He repeated. "Why?"

She smirked at his genuine confusion. "To see if I want to buy it, genius."

"You're buying a house? Wow. That's...wow. Can you afford it?"

"Yeah. I mean, I've got my inheritance. Barely spent any of it." She still felt the nerves at the idea of it.

"Oh. Yeah. I forgot. Your great-grandma left you a lot of money, didn't she?"

"Yeah. Dad still doesn't know where it all came from. She must have spent her whole life saving it. Which is why I haven't spent much of it." Lydia couldn't say she'd particulary liked her father's grandmother, but that didn't meant she'd fritter her share of the woman's life savings away.

"Till now."

"Yeah. I mean, I want my own place, you know?"

"Yeah. I guess I do. Would've been cool to hang out though."

"Come with me." She said on impulse. "Come look at with me."

"Oh. I..."

"C'mon." She persisted. "Lily usually comes with me but she's busy tonight. And Ally's all tied up with the baby and wedding plans, and it's Lorcan's date night, and Mitch just points out everything he doesn't like, true to form."

He hesitated for another second. "OK. Sure. Why not?"

"Great." She beamed at him, and he decided that, while looking around a house wasn't his idea of a fun time, it was worth it to see her smile properly at him.

"It's Lorcan's _date night_?" He asked suddenly, his mind jumping back to the statement.

"Yeah. Rose is working a lot, you know how ambitious she is, and apparently there was a point a little while back where they were barely seeing each other, and, well, their relationship was suffering."

And he hadn't been around, Lysander thought. He should have been there for his brother, and he hadn't.

He hated feeling guilty.

"So they decided to make time for each other. Every two weeks they have a date. It's sweet. Lily and Scorpius..." She trailed off, hesisted.

"Lydie, I told you, I'm fine about them. Really. Go on. Lily and Scorpius..."

"They have a similar thing. Lily reckons they wouldn't work nearly as well without it, and she's determined they'll continue to do so, even when they have kids and everything."

"That's nice." He said, honestly, and was immensely relieved that he didn't even feel a twinge of envy. Maybe, he decided, it was about time he got to know the guy who was now his family.


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks, as always, for reviews.

Chapter 5

It was the fireplace that drew her in. Lydia hadn't thought she'd go for a huge, dark fireplace, as tall as she was and, she was sure, a bitch to keep dust-free. But, God, it was a beauty.

The room could handle the imposition, she mused. It was spacious enough to handle it, and the wide archway that the sliding doors left kept it from feeling closed in.

"Look at the rest of the place before you decide, Lydie." Lysander murmured, and Lydia grinned.

"I always was transparent. This is why I don't view them alone. C'mon, then." She went back into the hallway - dominated by the wide staircase, which started facing her, then turned left at a right angle. Together, they walked up the hall. "Kitchen…"

She held Zander's hand as they walked towards the kitchen's double doors. He'd missed that, without even realising it. The easy affection. Odd, that only now he realised just how lonely he'd been while he was away.

"Oh, wow." Lydia breathed into kitchen doorway, and Lysander had to agree with her.

The counter ran around, covering the far wall and most of the two adjacent ones, with the island counter in the center. Just up from the door was a small area where Lydia could already picture a small table.

She turned, to talk to Zander, and saw the small sitting room behind him. Without a word, she crossed the hall, and stood in the empty space, looking at the smaller, but only slightly less impressive, fireplace here. The dining room was to the left, obviously attached to the kitchen.

"You've found it, haven't you." Zander murmured from behind her. There was no point in telling her to think it through, not when she'd so obviously already chosen it. And not when he could easily see her here.

"Yes. I - I should look upstairs first. But, yes."

The grin she flashed him was real, genuine, one he'd seen a thouand times, and one he'd missed recently. He smiled back.

------------------

"Scared?" He asked, as they wondered away from the house that would be hers.

"Terrified. God, Zander, I'm buying a _house_. I'm crazy." She laughed. "I must be crazy. I don't need a whole big house. I'm one little person. And with the price of the place, it'll take me ages to furnish it. I've lost it."

"Completely." He agreed. "You're gonna love living there."

She laughed, and spun to face him. "I know. I can't believe it. God, I have to call Lily, and Lorcan, and Ally, and my parents, and everyone has to see it, and…" She trailed into laughter again, light, happy, and hugged him. "I love having you home, Zand."

He blinked at the sudden change, but hugged her back. "I like being home. I'm not leaving again, Lydie. I promise you."

She was in too good a mood, and liked being normal with him too much, to mention, or even think, that she didn't believe in his promises anymore. That he'd broken far too many.

"C'mon. We'll go to yours, celebrate with free drinks." He said brightly.

She drew back, shook her head. "Tempting. But I can't. I have a date in an hour."

"Oh. You never said you were dating anyone." It was still weird, not to know every little detail of his friends' lives.

"First date. Workmate of Lily's. We'll see how it goes."

"Still looking for your love story, Lydie?" He murmured. She took a moment to decide if he was trying to insult her, and correctly guessed that he wasn't.

"Yeah. I guess I am. I'll see you later, Zander."

"Yeah. Bye." He watched her go, and, suddenly, knew how he was going to spend his evening.

-------------------------

Lorcan looked surprised to see him on his doorstep, but let him in without a word.

"Nice place." Zander commented.

"Yeah. Well, we'll get somewhere bigger at some point, but it works for now." Lorcan shrugged. "Drink?"

"Sure. Ah, listen, I'm sorry I didn't make it back to help you move in."

"No problem. Weren't short of hands."

"Still." His brother, Lysander thought, and he should have been there. "You and Rose, then. Mega-serious?"

"Yup. Like, forever serious." Lorcan shrugged, handed him a bottle.

"Forever." Lysander repeated, though unsurprised. "You gonna marry her and everything?"

"Plan to. Not yet. We're not ready for it yet. But, you know, not too far in the future. You gonna tell me why you're mad?"

"I'm not mad." Lysander replied flatly. The trouble, he supposed, with a brother who was also one of your closest friends, a twin who'd always been beside you, was that he could read you far, far too easily.

"Yeah, you are." Lorcan sipped his drink. "It is about the book?"

"Yes." Why bother pretending? "I don't think it's right. I've read it. Lydia showed me the draft you gave her."

"You don't think it's good enough?" Lorcan asked, though he knew that wasn't it.

"Damn it, Lorcan, you wrote it as a goddamn story. A fictional creature!"

"I know." Lorcan sipped his drink again.

"They're not stories to Mum, or to me. They're not made-up creatures."

"I know you don't see them that way." Lorcan shrugged. "I do. So does most of the population. So why can't a few kids read a story about them?"

"Because they're real!" He cried out, then stopped, glared. "You don't believe. That's fine. Whatever. But _I_ do, and Mum's spent half her life looking for the stuff she used to tell us about. And she found some of them, too, if you remember. Stuff people said didn't exist, she _found_."

"I know. I'm as proud of her for it as you are. What about the ones she hasn't found? You still so convinced that all our little bedtime stories are fact, Zand?"

"Yes!" He slammed the bottle on the table. "You're making her - and me - look like idiots with this, Lorcan. Like morons who believe in children's stories."

"I've never thought of Mum as a moron. You, sure, but not because you believe in children's stories." He was working hard to keep his tone, his mood, calm and casual.

Lysander glared.

"You know, I asked Mum about this, before I sent it off. I made sure she was alright with it. And you know what she said?"

"No." Because he wasn't there. Wasn't around to stop his brother doing this. Wasn't around to make sure his mother was OK.

"She said she knew I didn't believe, and that was OK. That had always been OK. She said not to worry about her, that she was glad that, even if people didn't believe, even if they thought of it all as fiction, at least they'd be aware. Everyone would know, even they thought of it as a story."

"She'll be treated like an idiot. Laughed at. So will I, and anyone else who knows this stuff is real."

"It's not real! For God's sake, Zander, grow _up_!"

For a moment, they faced each other, both of them with their hands clenched, both of them prepared to fight.

"Well, this brings back memories." Lorcan said evenly. It was by tactic agreement that they didn't talk about their mother's creatures anymore. It had caused arguments for as long as either could remember, and had, for a while when they were around fifteen, drove them apart to the point that they couldn't talk without arguing about anything that came up; and couldn't argue without physically fighting.

"We shouldn't fight." Lysander replied, his tone matching his brother's. "We're bigger. This time I could break your wrist instead of spraining it." One of their earliest fights, Lysander remembered, and one of the few he'd won. Lorcan, they'd both learned, was a slightly better fighter.

"True." Lorcan nodded. "I might break your nose again."

"I cracked a couple of your ribs in that fight, if you remember." Lysander replied, because he'd never gotten over that broken nose. Lorcan smiled slightly. That had been their last fight, the final one before they'd forced themselves to just disagree, and learned to get along in spite of it.

"This is crazy." Lorcan said. "I'm not going to fight with you. We're not fifteen anymore."

"It pisses me off, Lorc. I'll tell you that for nothing. You've always acted as though this is some - some little insanity, of mine and Mum's."

"_I've_ acted like it was _your_ insanity? Are you kidding? Jeez, Zand, you have no idea what it's like to grow up being treated like some little kid who's too stupid to understand. I knew - OK, fine, _believed_ - it wasn't real, and you and Mum were so convinced…even Dad was just kind of in the middle, and he'd go along with it when you were discussing it. I was the outsider there."

Lysander didn't know what to say to that, so stayed silent for a long moment. When he did speak, his words were hesitant, and felt inadequate. "I never realised you felt that way."

"Don't get me wrong. I loved our childhood. Home, our parents, even you, I loved it. It was just…at times…I _was _the odd one out. It's a little difficult."

"I'm sorry." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Zander wondered just how things had spun round. He'd come here to have a go at his brother, and ended up apologising?

"Don't be. I, um, wasn't always nice to you, if you remember. We had to stop sharing rooms because I convinced you there was some monster out to get you."

"Yeah. That was mean." Still, he grinned.

"You fell for it far too easily, Zand. You always did believe anything anyone told you."

"Lorcan…"

"OK. I'm sorry. Look, I'm not going to stop the book being published. But I will tell you that, in the beginning of the book, there is a note about no one knowing if the creature exists or not. It's a neutral passage - I didn't write it. People can make up their own mind."

"Well. I suppose that's…that's good."

"Exactly. Zander, this is something I _had _to do. I _had_ to write. Had to get the story down. It wouldn't leave me alone until I did. And once I had, once I actually believed it wasn't half-bad…I had to try and get it out there. It felt - still does feel - like something…vital."

And, Lysander realised suddenly, he understood that.

"OK. I get that. I suppose I'm sorry I got so mad."

"It's fine. We're never going to agree, about whether or not…"

"I know. It seems like such a stupid argument."

"So let's stop having it. 'Nother drink?"

Lysander hesitated, then shook his head. "I have to go. I have to…paint."

Lorcan only smiled; with perfect understanding, he watched his brother leave.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"So, how was the date?" Lily asked, resting her elbows on the table. She didn't need to ask the question; she knew the answer by looking.

"I couldn't stand him. I'm sorry, Lily, I know you get on well enough with him at work, and you thought we'd be good together, but he's very, very clearly interested in one thing, and that is not falling in love and living happily ever after. I tried to ignore it, Lily, but it's impossible for me to relax with a guy like that."

"Lydie…Maybe you've gotta stop looking for your prince charming, and just have some fun. Not with Deke, obviously, because a guy so obvious that even you can't pretend you're mistaken isn't worth your time." And she disliked knowing that she'd set the date up. "But you can't look at every guy you see as a potential husband."

"I know. I try not to. And it's not even really a _husband_ I'm looking for. But the fact is, I want what you have, Lily, and what Ally has. I want _it_, the forever, the guy who looks at you like you're…the centre of his world. The guy who's the centre of _your _world. I want to settle down in my big, beautiful house and have kids. That's…whenever I thought about my future, and it wasn't often, that's all I wanted." She sighed a little. "That's so old-fashioned, I suppose. Modern women aren't supposed to look for their love story, they're just supposed to make themselves happy."

"Your "love story" would make you happy." Lily replied. "So you are trying to make yourself happy. Trouble is, Lydie, you won't settle for flawed anoymore. And, I mean, you shouldn't have to settle, that's not what I'm saying, but maybe you ought to get to know guys better before you decide they're not your soul mate."

"I get to know -"

"Not lately." Lily interrupted, as the rest of the sentence wasn't necessary. "You used to. You'd date guys for ages, until they drove you absolutely crazy, in the hope that you'd learn to love them, despite their flaws. But lately, you haven't given anyone a chance."

"Of course I have -"

"No, Lydie. Think about it. Phillip, right, you went on two dates and decided it wouldn't work because he chewed loudly."

"You weren't there. People way at the other side of the restaurant were looking at him in horror." Lydia replied dryly, but it was difficult not to squirm.

"Mm-hmm. And Jack, remember, that muggle guy? You ditched him because he wouldn't tell you about his family."

"Well it was weird. All I did was ask if he had any siblings and he got all flustered and started muttering. Guy was probably a sociopath -"

"Or maybe he has a complicated family." Lily laughed. "Think about it Lydie, the guys you've dated in the last, I don't know, six months, you've been far too…strict, about."

"Maybe." Lydia shrugged. "I…I've loved guys before, Lily. You know that. And I've been…not in love like you and Scorpius, in a forever kind of way, but I've been in love."

"In a short-term, in this moment kind of thing." Lily nodded.

"Exactly. And I mean, I've had boyfriends and cared about them. And we've had a lot of fun, I've got great memories. And you know I still send Seb and Henry and Jeremy Christmas and birthday cards. We've stayed friends. They meant - mean - a lot to me."

"Well, you were pretty serious about those guys. I actually thought you and Seb might go the distance, but…"

"But it wasn't right. It wasn't meant to be permanent. He was the first one I loved, though, so I guess for a while I believed we'd go the distance, too. Thing is, Lily, it's not enough anymore for me to love them, or be in love in that moment, to have fun and be friends when it ends. I…I've done that, experienced it. I enjoyed it. I like it. But it's not enough anymore."

"It used to be." Lily replied, and hesitated before continuing. "Jeremy was the last guy you saw for more than a couple weeks. I mean, you were together for three months, and since then, you've been getting worse, Lyd. In the last six months, you've gone from seeing a guy for two weeks - Mickey, I think that was. He was annoying. Anyway, you've gone from that, to not even bothering with a second date. It's not…it's not because of him, is it? You're not still hung up on Jeremy?"

"Of course not." Lydia replied honestly. "You know I'm not. The break-up was a mutual decision. We just weren't working well as a couple anymore. We'd regressed to just being friends, you know, so we weren't really even breaking up, we were just admitting that the relationship was dead. I missed being with him, a little, for a few weeks, but…I loved him, for a while, and then we grew out of it."

"OK. Good. I knew, really, I just had to check. But is it because of him that you want to meet The One?"

"Maybe." Lydia paused, considered. "I guess it was after that that I decided not to waste my time on relationships that weren't going anywhere. I mean, I knew me and Jerry wouldn't work out. I _knew_. It didn't bother me, I was just enjoying being with him. Lily…Seb meant the most to me. You know that."

"I do. But you, you ended it OK, didn't you? I mean, it was your choice. He was willing to try and make it work, with him in Ireland, but you decided to end it."

It had been a difficult decision, Lydia remembered, but she was still sure it was right. "I was seventeen. I was still in Hogwarts. Obviously, he'd planned to go into his Dad's business for years, and I had no problem with him doing that. But, realistically, we wouldn't have worked with a sea between us. He meant a lot, though."

"First love." Lily murmured, and wondered if it was odd that she'd married hers.

"Exactly. Now, he wasn't perfect, and we weren't perfect together, but I haven't found anyone I feel the same way about since. Not the exact same, not the same…intensity. I never managed it with Henry, or Jeremy, and I want it. I need it, Lily."

"OK. Just, Lydie, try to give guys a chance, OK? And…listen, be careful."

"Be careful." Lydia repeated.

"Yeah. I mean, you're not stupid, but Lyd, you're dating a lot. And I know that, mostly, they're friends or friends or whatever, but be careful. There's some weirdos out there."

Lydia's face softened. "I am careful, Lily." She hesitated. "Listen, I have a date night after next with a guy I met at the bank. I know that sounds ridiculous but the queue was huge and we got talking. Anyway, I, um, could contact you when I get back, if you want. So you know I'm OK."

"That would make me feel a lot better." Lily smiled, then looked at her watch. "Ooh, I hate to leave you, but I'm meeting Scorpius -"

"Yeah, of course. Go." Lydia stood with Lily, hugged her. "We'll have a girl night at the weekend. You can stop here."

"Better yet, you come to ours. I'll send Scorpius off to Al's."

"Cool. I'll see you later, chick."

Lydia watched Lily leave, then hesitated. Wasn't due to work yet, didn't have plans. After a moment's deliberation, she grabbed her bag and left.

-----------------------

Lydia had spent a large chunk of her life at the Scamander's house, so it was second nature to walk in, call out. When she got no reply, she started up the stairs, calling again, and, when met with silence, wondered if Luna had forgotten to lock the door again. She headed towards Zander's room, opened the door, and stopped, stared.

He was covered in paint, his old grey robes coated in it, his face speckled with it, his hands smeared with it. He had a brush clutched in his hand, and it was moving wildly, too fast to keep up with. His eyes were on the canvas in front of him, wide, focused, and full of something Lydia couldn't label.

"You're painting." She stated, unnecessarily. Though he hadn't known she was there before, Lysander didn't jump, only nodded without breaking his gaze. The words, "one sec" were forced from his mouth, before he went back to ignoring her completely.

She waited five full minutes before he stopped, putting his brush down and turning to her. "Sorry. I had to get it finished." But he was grinned, filled with the good mood that painting always left him in. "Hey, Lydie. How are you?"

She grinned. "You're painting. That's great." She was surprised, but pleased, when he stepped forward and lifted her into his arms, spinning her.

"Thank you for reminding me how much I loved it. I missed it." He said, setting her down. He didn't let go of her; nor did she pull away. The stood, instead, fitted together, looking at each other with half smiles. "I missed you, too, Lydie. I'm only just starting to realise how much."


	7. Chapter 7

Thanks for reviews.

Chapter 7

"I hate this job." Three days later, Lysander's euphoria at his painting had definitely worn off.

"Yup." Hugo replied, without looking up. "If we cut the prices of the last lot of the red-to-yellow jumping frogs, they should go soon, and we can start selling the pink-to-purple ones." He muttered, scribbling something down.

"Why not sell both?" Zander asked flatly, refusing to smile at the seven-year-old blonde girl who kept smiling shyly at him.

"Because they wouldn't be "limited edition" if we sold them all at once. The idea if for people to collect them, one-by-one." Hugo told him, crossing something out.

"Why would they bother? It's a model frog that jumps. They've been out for years. Selling different colours isn't going to make people want a full set."

"Shows what you know. And they're not just in different colours, they change from one colour to the other with every jump."

"Joy."

"Yeah, well, kids are into it. Anyway, I wasn't asking you, I was thinking outloud."

"I still don't get it." Zander muttered.

"It works. Limited addition, collect-them-all, colour changing frogs work. Quit complaining." As the first hint of annoyance was leaking into Hugo's voice, Lysander silenced.

"D'you know how Lydia's date went?" Lysander asked finally. The little blonde girl had given up and wondered to the frogs.

"No. I haven't seen her, and it's not something I ask her about anyway. That's Lily's job." He shrugged. "Why?"

"Just wondered. She said she met him at Gringotts."

"Yeah. Something about talking in the queue. I don't know. I can't say I'm particularly interested in Lydia's dates. I mean, if the guy became her boyfriend then I'd take an interest, because…well, because we look out for each other. But do I want to hear the details of her date? About as much as I want to hear the details of what she wore."

Lysander laughed. "Don't lie, Hugo, I know you love hearing all about clothes."

Hugo faked a shudder, then grinned back. "To be fair, Lily and Lydie aren't so bad for the girl stuff. But, still."

"Hmm. True." Lysander forced a smile for a customer and started ringing up the order, refusing to wonder about Lydia's date, or to wonder why he was so curious.

---------------

"Hey, stranger." Lydia's greeting was bright and smily, which, oddly, didn't improve Zander's mood.

"Hey. Glass of mead." He replied, sitting at the bar.

"Sure. You OK?"

"Not sure. Weird mood."

"Two-word sentences. Must be bad." Lydia grinned at him, passing him his drink.

"Mmm. How'd your date go?" Why, he decided, bother pretending he wasn't interested.

"Ummm…OK. I suppose. He talked a lot."

"I thought you liked talkative guys."

"He didn't shut up once. Just going on, and on. I mean, it was interesting, at times, and he was funny occasionally, but he also talked about stuff that wasn't interesting. And he never asked me one question about myself, never gave me room to talk."

"Maybe he was nervous."

"Yeah, he seemed it, so I figure if he gets in touch, I'll give him another chance." If only to prove to Lily that she could.

"You're dating a lot." He said. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, a warning bell rang.

"I s'pose." Lydia shrugged.

"Don't you think you should…date less?" He asked. The warning bell rang louder, but it was too late now.

"Why would I do that?" Lydia asked, her voice suddenly cool.

"Well, you know. It's a bit…It gives people the wrong idea. You're jumping from one guy to the next like -"

"Like what, Zander?" Her voice was cold, now, cold and flat.

"Nothing. Never mind." His voice was quick; he felt his heart sink.

"No, come on. Like what? Like...A whore? Is that what you think of me?" Her voice shook, anger and hurt showed candidly on her face.

"No. Lydie, God, no, that's not -" He didn't get a chance to finish it; she turned, stormed off. He swore, followed her, catching her halfway up the back stairs. "I don't think you're supposed to leave the bar like that.

"I don't think you're supposed to call your friends stuff like that." Lydia replied, her voice still shaking.

"That's not what I mean. Lydia. You know, I don't ever remember you storming away from me, me running after you, before I left. I come home and so far it's happened twice. I've really messed up, haven't I?

She finally turned to face him. Both the anger and hurt still showed on her face, and she nodded.

"I've never been so mad at you. I never thought you could make me so mad at you. Is that really what you think of me? That I'm some kind of -"

"Of course not. Really, Lydie. I don't know what I…That's not - really - I don't think that."

"I don't sleep around, Zander." She told him flatly. "I _date_. I meet guys, I'll go out with them, once or twice. Maybe we'll develop an actual relationship. But I don't sleep with them all. And the first date _never_ ends that way, I can promise you." Her voice still shook, as did her hands. "Now you haven't been around much lately, but you've known me my whole life. It hurts me, and it really, really annoys me, to know that you think of me like this."

"I don't." And it was the truth, and he was desperate to make sure she knew. "Really. I'm sorry. I just worry about you, I guess. I don't want you to get hurt, and I don't want anything to happen to you. There's all sorts of weirdos out there, Lydie, anything could happen to you. And I don't know how any of us would handle that."

"You think that'll get around me?" She asked, but it was difficult to stay mad, with that expression on his face.

"I didn't mean you were a - a whore, Lyd. Nothing like that. It just came out wrong, I swear." He hesitated. "If you don't forgive me, I'm gonna hang around outside your bedroom window till you do. Talking. Singing." It was a risky tactic; if it didn't work, she'd end up more mad at him.

"Singing?" She shuddered, smirked, and he almost sighed with relief. "You can't sing, Zand. Really. The only person I know with a worse singing voice than you is Victoire."

"Ouch. True, but ouch. I mean it. Forgive me or I sing."

"Fine. Fine." She smiled, started to walk past him back into the bar. "Oh, Zander? If you ever, ever, imply anything like that again, I will hurt you. Unimaginably so."

"Right. Of course."

He swallowed, then followed her.

"What about you?" She asked, when she was back behind the bar, making the effort to get them normal again. "You've been home for a couple weeks now. Met anyone?"

He laughed. "Not everyone can go to the bank and come out with a date, Lydie. Some of us have to put effort in. No, I haven't met anyone. I haven't been on a date at all in months. I don't remember how."

Lydia laughed, now. "You can't forget."

"Serious. Out of practice. Maybe you should give me lessons."

She grinned. "Yeah, 'cause I'm doing so well with them lately."

He smiled back. "Still, you're spending a lot of time out there. Hardly have time for your friends anymore." As soon as he finished the sentence he realised she could reply that he hadn't had time for his friends in a year. But she didn't. It occured to her, but she didn't.

"Yeah, yeah, bitch and moan. We can hang out any time."

"Yeah? Well, I got paid yesterday. How 'bout I take you out?"

"Where?" She asked, without hesitation. Only Lydia would forgive so quickly, he thought, relieved. Their relationship had clearly changed, and he took full blame for that. But Lydia hadn't changed at all, and so he was determined to get them completely back to normal.

"That place you like. With the Chinese food."

Now she blinked, but smiled slightly. "You remember that."

"Sure I do. We on then? Tonight, tomorrow?"

"Tonight." Lydia replied decidedly. "You can pick me up."

"What a privalage. Seven."

"Seven-thirty." Lydia replied, smirking.

"I wait that long to eat I'll starve. Seven-fifteen."

"Mmmm…Done." She grinned at him.

--------------------------------

"Ew! Why?!"

"I had to try it! Loads of countries eat bugs, I couldn't go all around the world and not try one." Lysander sat back, smirking at her.

"That's disgusting. It's disgusting."

"Wasn't bad, actually." He grinned.

She shuddered, but grinned back. "Gross. Very gross. OK, favourite place?"

"Hard to choose. I love Rome. And Tokoyo was amazing. Madrid was nice."

"Ah, jealous. I'd love to see it all."

"Then why don't you?" He asked, toying with his food. "You know, you could've come out with me, visited me a little."

"I thought about it, actually. And, I had the money, with my inheritance. But no, it's not me. This is where I belong, y'know? And I get homesick easily. Could've I have managed not seeing Lily every day, not talking to my brother and sister, not going to the pub? No. I couldn't." She shrugged.

"I thought that. One of the reasons I left was to prove I could. You'd manage better than you think."

"Maybe I would have, before, but now I have my nephew." She smiled, glowing, he thought.

"You really love the kid, don't you?"

"Of course I do. He's my nephew. Don't you love him?"

He grinned. "Not my nephew."

She rolled her eyes. "But he's so loveable. You must love him."

"He's a great baby, Lyd, but he's a baby. They don't do much, do they?"

"And you're so interesting." She laughed. "Anyway. How's things working at the shop?"

"Mmm, OK, I guess. Weird working for Hugo, and I'm not really a people-person -"

"I never noticed."

"- but on the other side, I get too hang out with Hugo all day and know I play a part in getting all the awesome merch out into the world." He smirked, making her laugh.

"Not really a long-term thing, though, is it? For you?"

"No, I guess not."

"Well, what is?" She asked.

He paused, then shook his head. "No idea."


	8. Chapter 8

Think it's been a while since I updated, not sure. My life lately is a mess of revision (or putting off revision) and exams, so updates might be a bit infrequent over the next couple of weeks. As indicated by the first line, this takes place six weeks after the last chapter.

Chapter 8

_Six weeks later._

"It was a nice ceremony." Lily said tiredly. She was slumped sideways in her seat, leaning her head against Scorpius' shoulder. "Simple. Suited them." And it had been wonderful to see her big brother get married to the love of his life.

"Definitely." Lydia agreed. "They fit, don't they?" Her gaze was fixed on her sister and James, who were dancing slowly, James holding Mason. That, if nothing else, assured her they were meant to be together. Because Mason was James', every bit as much as he was Ally's.

"Perfectly. I like to think we can take credit for that one, Lydie." Lily grinned.

"Yup. Maybe you could take credit for that one, too." Lydia replied, nodding over to where Lorcan and Rose were dancing, close together, smiling and murmuring. "You gave them both a push."

"True. Maybe you should fix Zander up with someone. Then we could each claim one." Lily watched carefully for Lydia's reaction, and was disappointed slightly when she laughed.

"Maybe. What do you think, Zand?" Beside her, Zander jolted.

"Mmm. Yeah. Sure. What?"

"Did you fall asleep?" Hugo asked incrediously. "Sat up? At a table?"

"Maybe. Just for a second." Lysander grinned sheepishly, as Rose and Lorcan joined them. "C'mon, we've been up since six- "

"Closer to seven, actually." Lydia put in.

"- helping with the wedding stuff, then we had the actual ceremony, and then the party? It's after ten. I'm shattered." He shifted uncomfortably. Still, he'd done much more embarrassing things, hadn't he?

His mind flashed uncomfortably back to his Hogwarts sorting, when, lost in thoughts, he'd missed his name being read out.

"Baby." Lily muttered. "Lorcan, you actually do look half-dead, though." She titled her head in concern.

"You not sleeping again?" Lysander asked instantly, scrutinising his brother. Lorcan shrugged and reached for his drink.

"Insomnia's come out to play again. It's fine." But he rubbed his face and prayed he'd get some real sleep tonight.

"Stress of the book thing." Rose said, and linked her hand with his. "It'll be over soon."

"Lorc...you need anything..." Lysander trailed off, half uncomfortable.

"First port of call." Lorcan nodded. "Really. I'm fine."

"Good." Lily replied, and stood. "Lydie, let's go to the bathroom."

"'K." They made their way through the crowd and eventually to the bathroom. "You want to talk, not pee, don't you?" Lydia asked the second the door closed behind them. "What is it?"

"You and Zander." Lily replied, leaning again the counter. "You've been seeing a lot of each other these last few weeks."

"Yeah, I guess." Lydia replied. Usually she and Lily conducted half-conversations - understanding what the other was saying, or about to say, so that half the conversation could be ommitted. Now, though, she was clueless. "That's a problem because...?"

"Not a problem. I was just wondering when you were going to tell me you were dating." Lily replied evenly.

Lydia blinked. "We're not...Oh. Well." She paused, looked at Lily, shook her head. "I guess we sort of are, aren't we? Hell. No, I mean, we're just hanging out -"

"Alone. In dating places. At least once a week. Planned in advance. And neither of you are seeing anyone else. You're dating, Lydie." Lily grinned.

"Well." Lydia blew out a breath, then grinned back. "I've never dated without realising it before. Weird." Very weird, and she wasn't sure how she felt about it. "I am kinda seeing someone else, though."

"Bank guy? On and off. And not for the last two weeks. What's going on, Lydie? I never realised you and Zander...that there was anything between you."

"Me neither. I'm not sure there even is." She ran a hand through her hair. "We have a good time – a great time, together. But I don't think either of us thought of it like dating. And..." She hesitated. It was still difficult not to share the whole story with Lily, when she was so used to telling her everything. Resisting temptation, she finished vaguely, "...he kinda had a thing for someone else for a long time."

"He still have it?" Lily didn't bother asking who, knowing that if she was allowed to know, she already would. It was only a little sting that there was some kind of secret there.

"No." She was almost certain. "Not anymore."

Lily gave her a long, searching look. "Do you like him?"

Lydia closed her eyes, thought. And opened them with a sigh. "More than bank guy, that's for sure."

--------------------------------------

"Hey." A day later, Zander leaned against the bar at the Leaky Cauldron. "Hungover?"

"Nope." Lydia smiled at him, considering. "Was a great wedding though. I can't believe my sister's married."

"I know. Grandma was in her element, though."

"Yup. Nothing she likes more than to see a grandkid marry and be happy - and she got it twice over with Ally and James."

"Yeah. They're great together. We still on for tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about that." She paused, then picked up a cloth and started scrubbing at a stain on the bar.

"About tomorrow? You wanna make it later?"

"No. No. It's just, well, do you realise what we're doing?"

"...Going to a vegetarian restaurant? I know it's weird, but it was _your_ idea." He looked at her, obvious missing the point.

"No, idiot. OK, what was it Lily said? We're meeting up, alone, in dating places, at least once a week, ah, planned in advance."

"Right." He said blankly, then, "Oh. _Oh_. Are we dating?"

She smirked at the absolute shock on his face. "Well, I mean, it can't really be dating if we weren't aware of it. But, um, sort of."

"Oh. Well. Weird."

For a long moment, they looked at each other. Then, finally, he spoke. "So I'll pick you up at seven-fifteen?"

"Yeah." She replied, and hesitated. Could let it go, as casually as him, and continue as they were. Or they could clarify it, and both be aware where they stood.

She always prefered to know where she stood.

"Zander. Are we dating, or are we just friends meeting up?"

He paused, looked around then room, then back at her. "We've been pretty much dating all along, haven't we? Let's try that."

"I...But we're friends. We're not a couple."

"Not yet a couple." He said, and smirked. "Relax, Lydie. You have fun with me, don't you?"

"Well, yeah, but – Zand, you of all people – you've always been weird about things being in their place, everything being -" She felt flustered, though she wasn't sure why. And though a part of her said, very clearly, that she wasn't looking for something simple and fun anymore - she wanted serious and forever - the rest of her didn't really want to stop this, whatever it was.

"Yeah, well I guess I just realised. Dating you wouldn't be so bad. I'll pick you up at quarter past seven."

He grinned at her, turned, and left. Lydia watched him go, half a smile on her face, and silently cursed the entire male species for being so strange.

------------------------------

He walked her to the front of the pub, as always. It was dark, but there were still people in the street, walking past without glancing at the pub, as usual.

"Never thought we'd end up dating." Lydia murmured. "Really. Never saw it coming."

"No, me neither. I thought maybe you and Lorcan would. For a while, at Hogwarts. Before Rose, obviously."

"Lorcan? Seriously? He's my brother!"

"He's _my_ brother." Lysander corrected, smirking.

"You know what I mean. He's always been my brother. You weren't, though, so maybe I should've figured we'd end up like this."

"What, you think if we'd've been closer we wouldn't have ended up dating without realising it? I thought we were pretty close." He had thousands of memories of her, as one of his best friends.

"We were. I still say I was closer to Lorcan, slightly, but we were." She paused. "Until you left...Maybe if you hadn't..."

"Yeah. Weird how things work out." He hesitated, and told himself it was ridiculous to feel nervous. Hadn't he decided hours ago this was how the night would end? And this was _Lydia_ who, at times, seemed to know him better than he knew himself. He swallowed, then forced his expression to stay relaxed. "Let's just see..." He moved slowly, as though expecting her to spring back in horror, closer and closer to her, and kissed her, lightly, slowly.

She circled her arms around his neck loosely, felt his hands on either side of her waist, and kissed him back. They drew apart, looked at each other for a long moment.

"Well. Day for surprises, then." Lydia murmured. "Does this mean I've got to stop seeing bank guy?"

"Bank guy?" He asked blankly, then shook his head slightly as though to clear it, and nodded. "Right. Yeah. I think you better."

"Where do we go from here?" She asked quietly, removing her arms from around his neck. The slightest bit of awkwardness settled over her.

"We keep seeing each other. We see where this goes."

She wasn't used to that. Neither was he, really. He liked everything to be in its place, everything to make sense. And she, lately at least, needed to know where everything was leading, how it was going to turn out.

But this wasn't normal, and it felt – though neither of them would say it, would even think it – too fragile to start questioning.

"Maybe we shouldn't tell anyone." She murmured. "You know what they're like. And Grandma... It'll complicate things."

"You'll tell Lily." He said, an eyebrow raised.

"That's different." She replied. "It's Lily. It doesn't count."

"Right. OK." He half laughed at that. "But no one else. Not until we know where this is going."

For a long moment, they only looked at each other.


	9. Chapter 9

Not sure about this one. Seems a little off to me, but it moves things along a bit.

Chapter 9

"It was…y'know. Nice, I guess." She almost squirmed. "Why?"

"Don't look so awkward. It was just one little question." And it amused him to see her, always at ease, look flustered. She was, he thought, so damn cute.

"I know. I just find it odd you'd be asking about my first kiss. It's seems a weird question."

"Not really. You never told me at the time, remember? You still haven't told me who. Was it Robby what's-his-name? That guy you went out with when we were fourteen? Me and Lorcan and Hugo used to listen to you and Lily talking about it."

"Excuse me? You used to _what_?" She shifted, from when she'd been curled against him, to looking at him, half amused and half horrified.

"Oh, come on. You guys would talk about it for hours. What do you expect?" They'd never been quite like this when they were friends. The easy banter and friendly teasing had taken on a whole knew dimension. He liked it.

"And what did you hear, exactly?" She tried to remember all those conversations - and in the early days of her first ever relationship, they'd discussed it a lot - tried to remember if anything embarrassing had been said.

"Oh, y'know. Girl stuff." He grinned at her.

"Huh. I don't appreciate that. OK, then, how's'about yours? What was your first kiss like, Lysander? Who was it with?"

He didn't, as she'd hoped, flush or squirm or look remotely embarrassed. He had been, of course, expecting it.

"Lexi Coleman."

"She was a year older than us."

"I know." He grinned again, and she laughed. "I was almost fourteen, and she was mad at her ex boyfriend for getting together with her best friend."

"I remember. It was a big deal at the time. Hogwarts scandal."

"Yeah. Well, Lexi's way of getting back at him was to kiss _me._ It was a nice moment for me. Being used by an older woman. Every thirteen year old's dream."

She laughed. "Mmm. Thirteen year old boys are weird. Ally still has the best first kiss story."

"Better than being used by Lexi and making Tim Johnson - star player on the Hufflepuff Quidditch team - jealous of me?"

"Yes." She laughed. "It wasn't actually her first kiss, but it was her first kiss with James. When they went out, back at Hogwarts."

"I remember. What was so great about it?"

"Well, they were talking in the hallway - flirting, actually, they'd been flirting for a while and she was waiting for him to click and _do_ something - and she was leaning again the wall. Then he started kissing her, and, you know, she was pressed against the wall, and, well, I guess it doesn't sound like much. But I was about thirteen at the time, and when she told me, well, I sorta hoped that's how _mine_ would go, y'know? But Robby didn't have that much imagination."

"Yeah, well, it takes a certain level of…something to pull that off, so don't judge Robby too harshly for it." He grinned.

"I wasn't -" She stopped when they heard footsteps on the stairs; in seconds they'd separated. By the time Hannah walked into the living room, they looked like two friends who'd been talking idly.

-----------

"You're sure about this, though?" Lily asked quietly. They were at the Burrow, surrounded by loud family members, and holding a fast, quiet conversation.

"Yeah. Why not? I mean, it's Zander, so I know exactly what I'm getting into. I accepted all his flaws years ago. And vice versa. Our families get on great. So, you know, if it works out..."

"But will it? Honey, it's Lysander. Can you see the two of you living happily ever after?"

Lydia hesitated, and sighed. "No. No, I can't. But when you and Scorpius first got together, did you?"

"You know I didn't, but I was fifteen. And for the first little bit, we were just giddy on the secrecy, so I get why this is such a rush for you. And, yeah, he's one of your best friends, so you're relaxed with him, it's less stressful. But you're still looking at this in terms of a long-term relationship, Lydie, and that's you. Is it him?"

"I know Zander's not really a relationship-y kind of guy, but he's only just twenty. We're still young. _I'm _still young. And you told me to relax and have more fun, right? It's not like I _need_ to settle down and get married. I like this, I like how it is, so...I can put looking for my forever on hold a while."

"Yeah, you can, there's lots of time. But you already love him as a friend. Rose said it's only a little step into being _in_ love. Having a history makes it more compicated. I don't want you to get hurt, Lydia."

"I know. I appreciate it. But I'm not expecting to fall in love with him. You said relax, have fun. That's what I'm doing. I'm going to go get Mason, OK?"

Lily nodded, and watched her go. Then she sighed, because Lydia wasn't just having fun, no matter what she chose to believe.

"Hey, kiddo." Teddy grinned as he joined her. The greeting mad her feel about ten, but she couldn't quite dislike it.

"Hey stranger. Feels like I haven't seen you in ages."

"Well, you never come see me anymore. Scared of my kids?"

"I love your kids."

"You won't babysit for them anymore." He pointed out, and she laughed.

"That's because I'm almost twenty two. And there's four of them. _Four_, Teddy. And they know how to get around me and make me give in."

"Yeah, true. So, how come Scorpius isn't here?" He asked, and watched her smile fade. "Everything OK with you two?" He asked instantly. Lily was the closest thing he had to a little sister, after all.

"Mmm, yeah. He's working. Working a lot lately. I, I understand it, you know, I get that he wants to prove himself, to make something _good_ out of his name. I understand that, I support that. But...Damn it, Teddy, he's hardly ever around these days. He's working late, or bringing work home, and I hardly see him. Then when I do, we're fighting about him never being around." She shook her head. "It won't be forever. It's some big thing going on, and he swears it'll only take a few more weeks and he'll have it locked and he'll be back to working normal hours. I know I should be more understanding, but I...I don't know if I can handle a few more weeks like it. I don't know if _we_ can handle it."

Teddy listened and she watched him think it over. "Kid, the thing is, everyone has marriage problems, and, usually, they work out. You and Scorpius are great together, you know that. This is something he needs to do. Is it really worrying you?"

She sighed. "No. I don't...It's not like I really believe this'll break us. I know we're stronger than that." It was nice knowing it, too. "I guess I'm just annoyed. He said he'd be able to make it, today, and bailed at the last minute." She shrugged.

Teddy started to speak when they heard a loud shout of "No". Looking through the crowd, Lily saw Hugo and his girlfriend by the living room door.

"Meredith -" He started, and she shook her head and took a step back.

"I won't talk to him. I don't want to see him. Please, please, get him away. I don't want him anywhere near you, your family." She was shaking, Lily noted, and moved forward swiftly.

"Baby, he just wants to talk to you -" Hugo started.

"No – no no no no no." Meredith looked panicky, and so Lily didn't hesitate, simply walked to her and gripped her wrists.

"C'mon now, calm down." She lowered both their hands, still holding Meredith's wrists, and looked at her calmly. "What's going on?"

"Her father came to the door." Hugo said weakly.

"He's not my father. He walked out on me and my mum before I was even born. He can't come back twenty-five years later and expect to be my dad. He can't. Hugo, please, I won't talk to him. I won't see him. I don't want him near your family, he doesn't deserve to be here. I don't, I don't -"

"OK, OK. I'll get rid of him." Hugo gripped her shoulder, then headed for the front door. Lydia moved to stand beside Lily, and ran a hand down Meredith's upper arm.

"Come on, now, breath steady." Lydia said gently.

"Meredith, you'll have to calm down for me now, you're scaring the kids." Lily told her firmly, and Meredith nodded, attempted to even her breathing.

"I'm sorry. He caught me off guard. He keeps showing up at home, and it's upsetting my mother, and he'll come to work and I – he won't leave me alone. I won't see him. I won't let him be my father after all this time."

"Of course not. He doesn't deserve it. And you've every right to be angry." Lily told her calmly. "If you want him to leave you be, there's legal steps you can take, OK, you can see Rose about that, she'll sort you out. Or James or someone will go out and talk to him with Hugo, make it clear that you won't see him."

Clearly calmer, Meredith shook her head. "He won't listen. I've told him."

"Well, no offense, but James can be slightly more intimidating than you." Lydia told her.

"I'll talk to him, Meredith." James said, and lightly touched her shoulder. "You're right, he's not your father, and he has no right to do this to you." James had always hated bullying, always hated to see someone be intimidated, and seeing the girl look so distressed and vulnerable made him feel he had no choice but to step in. He turned to Lily. "I think I just realised why you're moving up so quickly at work, Titch." With that, he went after Hugo. Out of the corner of her eye, Lily saw Teddy follow.

"This is what's been bothering you?" Rose asked, moving to Lily's other side. "You never said." And, since she'd thought the two of them had grown close in the couple of years Meredith and Hugo had been together, Rose wasn't too pleased about that.

"I thought I could handle it. I thought he'd stop." She pushed her curly blonde hair away from her face. "He's not threatening or anything. He's kind of pitiful. He said he's realised he has nothing else, nothing but me, and he wants to be a dad. Where the hell was he when I was five and I cried because I was the only kid on our street without a father, or when my mother was saving every penny to afford my school uniform?" Her eyes filled with tears, then she finally realised the entire Weasley family were looking at her, and flushed.

"C'mon." Rose said, taking her hand. "Let's go in the kitchen, get you some privacy. And, I don't know, tea or something." Without hesitation, Lydia and Lily followed.

Lysander, at the other side of the room, watched, and smiled to himself. "Make a good team, don't they?" He murmured to Lorcan. "Lydia and Lily."

They gathered around the kitchen table, a scalding cup of tea in front of Meredith, despite her never drinking the stuff.

"It's really nice of James to go out there for me." Meredith murmured, trying desperately to stop the tears.

"It's not nice. We look after our own." Lily shrugged.

"I'm not..."

"Oh come on, Hugo's head over heels for you." Rose replied firmly. "If I didn't already know, I'd've known as soon as you started getting emotional. Hugo doesn't do emotions women, but he didn't even wince at you. Usually he's way across the room."

"It's Uncle Ron's fault." Lily nodded.

"Yup. So he'll be out there with James and Teddy, making sure that man doesn't bother you anymore. And then he'll come in here and check on you. And if he has any sense – which I doubt – he'll marry you, because you're perfect for each other, and we approve of you." Rose finished.

"I know you approve. I'd be long gone if you didn't. I don't think we're quite ready to marry, though." Meredith shook her head, but smiled at them. "Thanks, for sorting me out."

"No problem. Like I said, we look after each other. And, if I know my brother – and I do – your...your biological father won't be bothering you anymore." Lily told her.

"We'll see." Meredith murmured. They all fell into silence when Hugo walked into the kitchen. He barely looked at his sister and friends, but sat beside Meredith and took her hand.

"He's gone. James said all sorts of things, spouted family connections, and glared menacingly. I think he's gone, properly. Are you..."

"Better. Can – can we go? Back to yours. I don't want to face everyone yet."

"Of course. Rose, say bye to everyone for us." He said, then slipped his arm around Meredith's waist as they walked towards the back door. As soon as it closed behind them, Rose settled back in her chair and grinned.

"Hugo's all grown up." The three of them grinned proudly at each other.

-----------------------------

_Three weeks later._

They walked, hand in hand, down the beach, stepping in the water's edge. Lydia figured it would be nicer if the sun was setting, if the beach was less crowded, and if both of them hadn't lied about where they were going to be today.

She'd told her mother she was going shopping. He'd told his parents he was going to catch up with an old friend. Lily had been right about the initial rush of the secrecy, but Lydia was defiantly over that now.

"I don't want to hide it anymore." The words were out before she decided to say them. She felt, for just a moment, Lysander's hand tense in hers.

"Hide what?" He asked innocently, instantly irritating her.

"Don't pretend you don't know what I mean. I'm sick of hiding this, sick of sneaking around and lying. What's the point?"

"We didn't want everyone to know. We didn't want them to complicate things." He said. They both stopped, turned to face each other.

"I know. I know that. But – I don't see why...it's like we're ashamed. And I'm not ashamed."

"Me neither. I just don't want to tell everyone about this, yet. We're still not sure where it's -"

"It can only go two places, Zander! It can end, or it can last forever. We really gonna sneak around until one of those is obvious? Because I don't want to be sixty years old and lying to my family because we're _not sure where this is going_."

"Sixty? We've been together less than a month." Suddenly, his neck felt too warm.

"That's not the point. I don't see any reason to keep it secret anymore. I don't want to. That's not me." And there was the problem, he thought.

"I know. I know it's not. Just -" He paused, realising their voices had risen and people nearby were watching.

"C'mon. We're going back to mine. We'll talk about this properly."


	10. Chapter 10

Thanks, as always, for reviews. We've got about five, maybe six, chapters left on this.

Chapter 10

She pulled her arm away from him the second they appeared in the living room.

"Go on, then. Talk about it. Go on." She snapped, looking at him. She couldn't explain the sudden anger, nor could she control it. "Why don't you want anyone to know about us? Your friends, your brother, your parents. Anyone. Are you ashamed of me, Lysander?"

"Of course not. I just don't want to -"

"Tell anyone, yeah, I got that." Under the anger was the hurt, and she couldn't really explain that, either.

"For God's sake will you listen to me! Let me finish a damn sentence." He snapped it; she glared. She never glared, he thought, and knew he was in trouble. "It's not personal, OK? It's not about you, it's about me. If everyone knows, they'll make a big deal out of it, and, and…they'll start _talking_. Marriage and babies and forever. They'll - they'll think we're committed, that we're forever, and we're not, are we?"

"Aren't we? I thought we didn't know either way." She spoke quietly, and fought the urge to rub her chest above her heart.

"Look, if they find out, then we're committed. That's it, we can't ever break up, not without - without disapproval and anger and drama, and I don't - I can't be stuck, OK? I, God, when I realised that I couldn't leave again, leave everyone, I felt…itchy, for weeks. Knowing that I'm here for good still occasionally makes me feel like I need to go. If I start to feel stuck with you, trapped, obliged -"

"So now I'm an _obligation_?"

"No, no, but if I can't ever get away -"

"Get away. Oh, that's lovely."

"Lydia, I can't be trapped with you. I'd end up miserable, I'd hate you, and I'd make you miserable, make you hate me. I don't want that." He wasn't really angry. He'd expected this for a while. And though he knew that this was the end, for them - he could feel it, sense it - he didn't want it to be over.

"So what've we been _doing_ these last few weeks? If you'll never even admit that we're together, never enable us to have an actual, mature relationship, what's the point?"

"Lydia - I care about you, I just can't -"

"Be stuck with me, yeah. You know, it'd've been nice if you'd told me in the beginning that this had no future. Save me time."

"Look, I'm sorry I'm not perfect, OK! I'm sorry I'm not your goddamn prince charming." Now the anger was starting. He'd never said this would be serious, that it would last. So maybe it was better that it was ending now, before it went too far.

"I never asked you to be my fucking prince." She snapped.

"It's what you want, though, isn't it? You want perfection, and that's not me. I can't _be_ perfect." Somehow they'd ended up shouting.

"And you want Lily, and I can't be her." It seemed to echo around the living room, and she thought that maybe she'd gone too far, but she couldn't quite regret it.

He stared at her for a long moment, his mouth slightly open. "I don't want Lily. I don't want you to be Lily."

"Good. Because I won't change for anyone. I shouldn't have to."

"I never asked you to, never wanted you to!" He cried. "And you know, I won't change either. This is me, Lydie, flaws and all, and we both know that's not what you want. I'm not what you want."

"No. No, because I want someone who won't feel _trapped_ when he's with me. Someone who's proud of me, who'll want everyone to know we're together. Someone who'll be honest with me, who wants to spend the rest of their life with me. Someone who loves me, for who I am, and if that's too much to expect of you, then yeah, you're not what I want." She clung to the anger. The anger was good, the anger didn't hurt, the anger masked the pain underneath.

"Lydia, I…" He felt sorry, unbelievably sorry, for both of them. Filled with regret, he shook it head. He'd never thought about how this would end, but if he could've chosen... "I'm sorry it ended like this. I…I'm sorry I'm not what you want."

Over, then. It was over.

"Me too." She could've sworn it was her heart, this ache, but she was smart enough to know it was her mind, her pride. Broken hearts didn't exist. How many times had she and Lily laughed at those who sobbed and proclaimed their hearts shattered? "And I'm sorry I'm not Lily."

The parting shot slipped out, forced by the hurt, and she knew it was too far, too much, and yet couldn't care. She only shook her head, and apparated home.

"Zand?" Lysander froze, then turned slowly towards the sound of his brother's voice, and found Lorcan stood in the kitchen doorway. "Are you alright?" Lorcan murmured.

Lysander forced his face to relax, and pushed aside the hurt. "Yeah. Yeah, fine. When did you get here?" He tried to keep his tone casual, in the hope Lorcan hadn't heard anything.

"I heard you come in." Lorcan murmured. "I, I didn't realise Lydie was with you. And once I heard…I shouldn't have listened."

"No." Lysander murmured. Shouldn't have, but he wouldn't appologise for it, and Zander didn't expect him to.

"I don't know where to start. You and Lydia, or you and Lily?" His mind had been racing as he'd witnessed the whole event, and he still hadn't quite caught up; too many pieces were missing.

Lysander sighed. Long past time to spill his secrets, it seemed. Oddly, he didn't feel embarrassed, ashamed, didn't wish he could keep them from his brother forever. Instead, he felt relieved. Though their relationship hadn't been perfect for a long time, he honestly felt they'd grown closer recently, resolved some issues.

"Sit." He said finally. "No interruptions. This might take a while."

------------------------

The tears started as soon as she entered her bedroom. She didn't bother trying to stop them; she'd never been ashamed of tears. She sat slowly on the edge of her bed, and closed her eyes.

She'd let him hurt her. Let him matter too much, let herself look forwards and think maybe, just maybe, she'd found what she'd been looking for. He was right; she'd wanted him to be her prince, no matter how much she tried to convince herself she only wanted fun. She'd been contradicting herself all along, lying to herself.

"Not a princess." She muttered. "No love story."

She opened her eyes, caught sight of her reflection in the little mirror on her wall.

She'd always been able to tell just by looking. After staring at her reflection in shock, Lydia let herself fall sideways, curled up on her bed. "You idiot, Lydia." She murmured. The temptation to lay there and sob was strong, but it wasn't what she needed.

-----------------

"Hey." Lily glanced up as Lydia walked through her front door, and then her expression became concerned. "What is it? What's happened?"

Lydia shook her head, sat on the sofa behind her. "Mason's fine." She murmured, just in case she'd scared her.

"I know. It's you that's hurt, isn't it? One sec." She rubbed Lydia's knee, then stood. Walking to the kitchen doorway, she surveyed her husband. He was sat at the island counter, papers spread around him, clearly working.

"Scorpius? Go to Al's for a bit, OK?"

"What? Lily I'm _busy_ -" He looked up, studied her.

"Lydia's upset."

"Why?" When Lily only shook her head, Scorpius paused, torn. Lydia was important to him, and obviously so was his wife, but... "Lily, I need to get this done."

"And Lydia needs me. You can work at Al's. Besides, I think she's more important than your work."

"Is she more important than me?" He asked, then sighed, shook his head. "Ignore that. I didn't mean it."

"Good. Scorpius, if work is stressing you this much, you've got a problem." And she hated knowing it was straining their marriage, hated knowing she had no idea how to fix it. He looked at her, nodded.

"I know. It'll settle down, soon. Is Lydia OK?"

"I'll let you know. I'm sorry to kick you out, really, but..."

He nodded, gathered up his papers. "I'll see you later. Love you."

"You too." And she was terrified that they'd reach a point where neither could say it.

Still, Lily pushed her marital worries aside, smiled gratefully, watched him go out the back door, then went back to Lydia, sitting beside her. "Is it Zander?"

Lydia nodded. "We're…we're not together anymore." She quickly recontered the argument, leaving out the references to Lysander's old crush.

"Oh, Lydie. He's an idiot. I'm sorry." She hugged her, tightly. "At least now you know. No more wasting your time with him."

"You don't get it, Lily." Lydia murmured. "I'm in love with him."

Lily drew back slowly, looked at her, and swore. "Of course. You would."

"Exactly what I thought. I'm such an idiot. All the guys out there, suitable, decent guys, and I fall for the one who'll never love me back. Never even try."

"Lydie." Lily murmured. "There's other guys. You've been in love before. You will be again."

"This is different. This feels different." She closed her eyes again. "I'm so afraid, Lily, that this was it, for me, he was it."

"If he was, he'd feel the same, Lydie." Lily murmured gently, and hoped with everything she had that it was true.

"No. No, you know, little girls are brought up on fairytales, on love stories, and it's - it's just cruel. They grow up not only wanting their own story, but _expecting_ one, expecting it because it's told to them like fact. No one ever says to a little girl, _they lived happily ever after…but sorry sweetie, you won't, that's not real life_. And they should, they should, because then it wouldn't, it wouldn't hurt so much when you realise you're never getting your happy ending." Her voice broke a little. She'd never, ever felt like this before.

"Lydia." Lily could do nothing but hug her. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry he hurt you. I'll kill him for it. The things he said - he had no right. You shouldn't have taken it. You should've hurt him back." It didn't matter that Lysander was one of her oldest, closest friends too; her first loyalty was here, and when Lydia looked so miserable, no one else meant anything.

"I hurt him, too." Lydia murmured. She wasn't sure if she had to clarify to stop Lily judging Zander so harshly, or to assure her that she had fought back. "I said things..."

Maybe it was the hurt, maybe it was the bruised pride, or maybe she was just sick of keeping it to herself. But Lydia decided she owed him no favours - not when he'd made her feel like _this_ - and surely it wasn't fair to keep it from Lily, not when it involved her.

"I should've known it wouldn't work out. There's something you should know..."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

"Lydie, that's crazy." Lily replied flatly.

It had taken only a handful of words to spill Lysander's darkest secret, and Lydia couldn't quite hate herself for it. The hurt, the anger, was still fresh enough for her to feel little guilt about betraying a confidence, but they'd faded just enough for her to understand that she shouldn't have done so. It had been some attempt at hurting him, some way of evening the score a little because she was hurting in a way she'd never thought possible.

"It's not." Lydia replied dully. "I saw it years back, when you and Scorpius got together. That day you told them - remember, you were giddy because everyone was taking it so well - he looked so…Well. I'd been in the position enough times to recognise it."

"You were always liking some guy or another." Lily murmured. "Not always just the hottest guys, either. The nicest, the sweetest, the funniest."

"Everyone has their good points. I never said anything because I figured it was just a little crush, that it would pass. Hell, I changed mine daily. Then, when you guys got engaged… I thought he was in love with you."

Lily blew out a breath, unsure what to think.

"He wasn't. Isn't. But he thought he was for a while, so it hurt just as much. That's why…it's one of the reasons he left. He said some other stuff - all that, finding himself, working things out, where he belonged and stuff. And, and to prove he could do it without us all. But…one of the reasons was to get away from you and Scorpius and make sure he was completely over you."

"Did he succeed?"

"I don't know about the other stuff, but, yeah. He was over you." She felt a little sick now. "I still…I still felt a little insecure at times. Wondered if he was comparing me to you, if he was wishing…"

"Lydie." Lily murmured. She'd had her share of insecurities. She'd stood in rooms crowded with beautiful, elegant women, women with pure blood and immaculate breeding, all of who would have slotted easily into Scorpius' family and provided the kind of wife Lucius Malfoy had wanted for him. She'd felt out of place and completely wrong, awkward and self-conscious and wondered if her husband had wished he'd chosen one of those, instead of her.

And she had, lately, experienced the insecurities that came with a husband who preferred to spend his time at his workplace, or working at home and ignoring her.

"I knew, really, that he…But still. I shouldn't have even told you. I don't know why I did. I wasn't fair to him, either. He's hurt me, God he's hurt me, by not loving me, but I hurt him, too. I said stuff, about being sorry I wasn't you…"

"Lyd." She sighed it, this time.

"I know. I shouldn't have said it, and I shouldn't have told you. But I can't bring myself to regret it yet."

Lily nodded. "OK." She hesitated, trying to work out her feelings. Her best friend, the boy she'd always considered her cousin, almost a brother (not as good as one, because that was Teddy and she felt differently about them) had had some kind of feelings for her? Had suffered because of her happiness, and hidden it from her?

And she'd had no idea. Just like she now had no idea how to deal with it.

--------------------

Lorcan sat. He listened. And he rolled his eyes when his brother had finished.

"For God's sake, what's wrong with you?"

"With me? Excuse me?"

"It's Lydia. You've known her your whole life. You really thought you guys could date, in secret, and, what, it'd fizzle out and you'd go back to normal? I knew you were stupid, Zander, but I didn't know you were that stupid."

"Why am I stupid?" He demanded.

"There's a question. Look, you know, and don't pretend you don't, that Lydia wants to find her forever. She's seen Lily and Scorpius - and we'll get onto Lily in a minute, mate, so don't think I'm letting that go - and James and Ally, and me and Rose, and that's what she wants. Obviously she had a lapse in judgement with you, but no matter how much you guys tried to kid yourselves that she wasn't going to want it to be serious, you both knew, really."

"I never promised her anything."

"You didn't have to. You're supposed to be her friend, Zander, and this - this isn't right. Since when did you even like Lydia, since when did you even think of her like that?"

"I don't know. She said we'd been dating. We'd been spending a lot of time together, and she said -"

"She said what we all thought. You think we didn't notice? So, what, you finally realise what you've been doing and decide to be more than friends? Without telling anyone?" Lorcan knew why that annoyed him so much. He and Lysander hadn't always gotten along - and they both had the scars to prove that - but they'd rarely had secrets from each other. It may be childish, but he couldn't help himself.

"Yes. We didn't - I didn't want to stop seeing her. I - the more time I spent with her, the more I realised how much I'd missed her, how much I liked being with her, and I, then the kiss and it was - you're not supposed to feel like _that_ if you're kissing friends, and -"

"Jeez, will you stop rambling?" It was kind of amusing to see his brother like this, but he didn't like knowing Lydia had suffered for it. "OK, so you decided you liked her. You kissed her, and that was good. So instead of doing the normal thing and getting together, you dated secretly. Why?"

"Why? We didn't want the family -"

"No, I mean, why dating? When James and Ally started that, all Lydia ever said was how they'd known each other forever and there was no point, because dating was to get to know one another and they already did. So do you guys."

"You're saying she didn't want to date." His voice cooled slightly, as he resented the accusation.

"I'm saying that she maybe didn't think it through. Or maybe she knew that you'd freak out if you knew she wanted a proper relationship."

"You think I, what, tricked her into this?" He was more annoyed by that, and it showed in his voice. Lorcan rolled his eyes.

"No, of course not. I think she likes you a lot, bro, and she didn't want to risk losing you. And I've watched Lydia, for years, go for exactly what she wants, and if that scares the guy away then she figures it wasn't meant to be. She's never settled before. So either, you mean more, or she just didn't know what she wanted."

"She never intended to start dating me." Zander muttered.

"No. So maybe she just didn't know what she wanted from you, and that's why she let you set the pace. Then she figured, secrecy isn't her deal, and started figuring out what she wants."

"She wants a real relationship. She wants someone who loves her and is proud of it." Lysander murmured.

"And what do you want?"

"I don't want to be tied down. She wants forever, she wants what you have. It's great for you, Lorc, but it's not for me. I'm not ready for that."

Lorcan shrugged. "Then, as much as I hate to see Lydia hurt, and as much as a part of me wants to hurt you for messing her around like this, I guess it's better that it ended now. You want different things, so it was never going to work."

"Yeah. I guess." He decided not to mention the weird ache.

"Now, let's get onto Lily. Lydia said some _very_ interesting things…"

Lysander dropped his head in his hands.

--------------------

It took Lysander three days to work up the nerve to go into the Leaky Cauldron. Hugo knew something was up, but Lysander didn't feel like filling him in. He'd sworn his brother to secrecy - after Lorcan had finished smirking and asking questions about Lily - and while he knew it was unfair that Hugo was the only one of their little group to be out of the loop - Lily would know everything by now, he was sure - he couldn't bring himself to explain.

He chose a busy time, though he wasn't sure why. He regretted it the second he stepped up to the bar and saw Lydia leaning against it, talking to Lily. He considered just running, but Lily looked up, saw him, and her smile faded. Lily, who he knew would be firmly on Lydia's side. That bothered him a little. Lorcan insisted his loyalties laid with both of them, and Lysander figured Hugo would be the same, were he aware. So it didn't seem quite right that Lydia had someone on her side, and her side only, and he didn't.

Lysander gritted his teeth and moved closer. "Hi." He said. Lydia murmured it back; Lily only glared. "I, uh, I'm still allowed in here, right?"

"Of course." Lydia said. "What can I get you?"

_Your forgiveness, your friendship, a real smile, that hurt gone from your eyes, the guilt erased…_

"Anything." He murmured. She nodded, handed him a butterbeer. It triggered the memory, and he thought about saying the same thing he had before.

"Thanks." He said instead. "Lydie…I…I don't want to lose you." He kept his voice low; Lily leaned over to hear better. No privacy among friends, Zander thought absently. "We're still…friends, right?"

"Yeah. Course." Lydia replied. She couldn't manage a smile, though, and wondered if she'd ever be able to look at him again without remembering.

The first kiss, the way he held her hand, the way he'd grinned shyly at her when he'd given her his painting as a gift, the way he laughed, the feel of his arm around her shoulders.

How hadn't she known at the time that she loved him, that she'd miss all the little things?

"So we, we're OK?" Lysander asked.

"Mmm-hmm. Excuse me." She moved down the bar to a customer.

"You're not OK." Lily told him.

"I know." He sighed, turning to face her. "We will be, though, right? Once we get used to just being friends again…"

Lily shrugged, and didn't voice her doubts.

------------------

She didn't come here often. Partly out of guilt, because Molly and Arthur Weasley were her grandparents, and these people were strangers and she couldn't, no matter how she tried, manage to love them, and partly because it broke her heart a little bit every time she saw them to know how hard it must be for her father, and to know that two innocent people had been destroyed.

"Hey." She murmured. Neither Alice or Frank looked at her, and she felt the familiar tug at her heart. She'd seen pictures. She'd seen these two, happy and animated, talking, laughing.

Now they were empty.

She sat in a chair, started to talk. Maybe, just maybe, some part of these people knew she was theirs, some part of them loved her - some part of her must love them, right? - and some part of them understood what she was saying.

"Mason's getting so big now. I swear he gets more adorable every day. I think Dad's getting worried I'm going to get myself pregnant too, I'm that crazy about the kid. I'm not, don't worry. Not yet. I think I'll be a good mother, though. I'm moving into my house next week. It'll be weird, because Zander's still going to come and help me, with everyone else. We - we haven't quite gone back to friends yet. It's awkward. It's weird. But I suppose we'll get there. What else can we do?"

She didn't mention that she loved him. Lily was the only one that knew, and Lily was the only one who would ever know, as far as Lydia was concerned.

Alice turned to her, finally, looking at her for a moment before holding out a hand. Lydia stood, moved forward, and accepted the gum wrapper.

"Thanks, Grandma." She murmured, and when the tears started to fall, she didn't stop them.

---------------------

_One week later._

"Yeah, put that there." Lydia directed from the doorway of her new living room. "No, a little bit - yeah. Great, that's great Lorcan." Lorcan straightened up, surveyed the sofa he'd just moved into position.

"Sure?"

"Yeah. And this…" She picked up the little table she'd set in the doorway, and stood it next to the sofa. "Goes here. I'll have to buy a lamp for it. And put some pictures on it." She could already see it, already knew exactly how it would look.

"Ah, Lyd? Um, this box…?" Lysander hovered in the doorway holding a cardboard box in his hands. The word "kitchen" was scrawled across the side.

"Put it on the island counter. Please." She couldn't help the awkward politeness. Couldn't quite meet his eyes. The excitment of moving into her own home, of having her own space, her own things, a place that was hers, had dulled the misery she spent the last week and a half in. She'd moved past a stage of crying, and smashed several things - mended, afterwards, of course - and then thrown herself into her house. Her home.

But she couldn't avoid Lysander now, when he was helping move her things into her home. Couldn't tell him to leave, and couldn't stop remembering the day she'd chosen the house, when Lysander had been beside her. Had she already been falling for him then?

"Right. Yeah." Zander held her gaze for a moment, then turned away. Everything he could have, should have said weighed on him as he headed up the hall.

"Lydie, the curtains are up." Lily told her. "Want me to do the blinds in the kitchen?"

"Yeah. I'll go see how the guys are getting on upstairs." She jogged up the stairs and into what would be her room. Scorpius and Albus were pushing her bed into place; James and Mitch were dealing with her wardrobe. "Thanks, guys." She said brightly.

"Well, you'd never be able to move it all, would you, Squirt?" Mitch replied. The childhood nickname made her smile.

"Teddy's picking up the stuff you asked him to, from that store." James told her. "Should be here in an hour or so."

"OK. He can manage it all, right? I'm not even sure how much I ordered."

"Yeah. Dad and Uncle Ron and Uncle Neville are going with him. They'll be fine."

"And Grandma's cooking you about a month's worth of food." Mitch grinned. "Just so you won't starve, out here on your own."

"Awesome. I won't have to cook for a while."

"Speaking of you being alone, Lydie, you're sure you'll be OK?" Mitch asked her. He and James turned their attention to her dresser, shifting it to where she'd instructed.

"Yeah. I'll be fine."

"You sure? I can crash here with you tonight. It's weird, first night on your own."

"I know." And she was a little nervous. "I'll be fine, honest. I'll get in touch if I change my mind during the night." She grinned, before heading back down the stairs. She bumped into Lysander on in the hallway, muttered an apology.

"'S'fine." He replied, shook his head. "I don't want to be like this Lydie. We only just got over that last time. I don't want to be awkward." He spoke quietly, a trace of urgency in his tone.

"Me neither. We'll get over it eventually." She told him, then went back into the living room.

"Lyd, this desk, which side did you say?" Hugo asked her. Lydia pushed Lysander from her mind.

"This side. I'll give you a hand."

"So, I hear you're meeting up with bank guy again. I thought he was history." Hugo said as they lifted the desk, carrying it across the room between them.

"Ah, yeah. Well, he called, so I figured, why not?" Actually, she'd figured the only way to get over Lysander was to get dating again.

"Didn't think you liked him that much." Hugo replied. Lydia only shrugged.

-------------------

"Hey, Zander. Listen, me and James and Ally've reserved some stuff for Lydia. Lamps and rugs, that kind of thing, and a chair Ally decided Lydia had to have." Mitch rolled his eyes at that. "Like a housewarming present, you know? Well, a few of them. She hasn't really got enough to fill the place, or the money to do it."

"Yeah. Ah, Lorcan said he was going to do the same. He knows some stuff she wants. I thought I might, as well." Lysander shrugged. That's what friends did, wasn't it? They helped each other out. And they were friends, now, had to be.

"Well I'm going to pick them up now. You wanna come along?"

Lysander paused, half confused. It seemed an odd request, and, oddly, made him feel about five. "Um…"

"I need to talk to you." Mitch told him.

"Ah." Zander had a sinking feeling he knew what about. "Right. Sure, I'll come with."

-----------------

They'd drove in silence for a few minutes, before Mitch finally spoke. "You know, James is the only guy I'd trust with my sister. I know she's safe with him."

"Ah, right." Lysander toyed with the coin on the end of the chain around his neck.

"Of course, I've got two sisters." Mitch had planned to circle around the topic a little more before jumping in, but he changed his mind. "You wanna tell me what's going on with you and Lydia, Zander?"

Lysander suppressed a sigh. He'd guessed correctly. "Nothing."

"Mmm, nothing anymore." Mitch said. "You really think I didn't notice? What am I, blind? Thing is, Zander, while I would've - probably - trusted you with Lydie - I mean, I've known you your whole life, right? But see, when my little sister comes home crying, even I can connect the dots. I'd rather not ask her, firstly because I don't want to upset or embarrass her, and secondly - well, she's not going to tell me, is she? I asked Lily -"

"And she told you?" Zander asked incredulously.

"Course not. But she's my best mate's sister, my sister's best mate. Hell, Lily's the next thing to a sister to me. I've know her for her whole life, too, so I can read her pretty well."

"You're all good at reading people." Zander muttered. "You, Lyd, Ally."

"Yeah, I guess we are. So, I'm gonna go ahead and assume you didn't mean to make Lydia cry. But I want to know what happened, Zander. So, you guys were dating? Did you sleep with her?"

"What - Mitch - you can't ask that." Lysander said, his voice just a little higher than normal, his face flushing.

"I can ask what I want. But how's about this? You sit right there, and tell me exactly what happened."

Zander glanced at him. He'd never been scared of Mitch before. He'd respected him, admired him, envied him - when he was younger, he'd figured Mitch and James were the height of cool. But he'd never feared Mitch. Now, however, was a different story. It was that dangerous glint, Zander was suddenly sure, that had made Mitch so popular with the girls at Hogwarts. Didn't people say girls loved dangerous guys? Mitch definitely pulled the dangerous guy persona off.

Maybe Mitch had never been the kind of protective brother James was. But it was obvious, now, that nothing and no one was allowed to hurt his sisters.

Zander nodded, and started from the beginning.


	12. Chapter 12

Not sure how well this works. Let me know.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed.

Chapter 12

Bank guy - she had to stop thinking of him like that or she'd forget his real name - was boring her stupid. She supposed it was wrong to compare him to Zander, but she couldn't help it. Zander would never start talking about some boring news story like that. Zander would never make that joke. Zander would never…

She finally sat back in her chair. "I'm sorry, ah, I have to go." She stood, starting for the door without another word. Stupid to think a date would fix her. Stupid to think that some guy she'd never really been that into could replace Lysander.

What she needed wasn't dates, wasn't other guys. She needed time to sort herself out, to get over Lysander, and to stop thinking about what could have been. Finally accepting that, she walked through the door, into the cold. It was dark, but only just. She started to walk, her heels clicking on the pavement.

"What - wait - Lydia -"

He followed her out into the street, grabbed her hand. "What is it? What did I do?" There was bafflement and annoyance in his eyes, on his face, in his voice. He'd always had very clear emotions, and she'd thought, a time or two, of him as being volitile. Oddly, now it made her uneasy.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. It's me. I'm just not going to waste my time on something that's not going to work." She started to turn; he gripped her upper arm hard enough to hurt.

"This is - how do you know this isn't going to work?"

"I just do. It's not your fault - well, I don't know, maybe it is. But it's not working for me. It was nice to meet you."

"Lydia." He tighten his grip on her arm. She tried to pull her arm away, and realised, for the first time, just how much bigger and stronger than her he was.

-------------------

"Lydie. You're OK?" Lily walked straight into Lydia's living room, where she was sat on her sofa. "God. Let me see where -"

"I'm fine. Really. I'm sorry I scared you." Maybe, she thought now, it had been stupid to ask Lily to come over. Definitly stupid to get all panicky, to feel so unsettled. But even now, her nerves were in overdrive.

"_You're_ sorry? I'll kill him. Let me see where he hit you." Lily felt sick, in her stomach, in her heart. Sick and horrified and angry and guilty, not only because she'd encouraged Lydia to see the guy again, but also because when Lydia had asked her, in a strangely hollow voice, to please come over, she'd hesitated and made her explain why.

Of course, she'd instantly forgotten all plans she'd had to spend an evening with her husband. But it would be a while before she'd forgive herself her not recognising something was wrong and dropping everything instantly.

"Don't say it like that." Lydia said. Her voice was still slightly hollow. "It's not like that. We were arguing. I said I didn't want to see him anymore. He got…upset."

"And hit you?" Lily's voice was slightly higher than it should be.

"No, it wasn't like that. Really, Lily. We started arguing, I, um, said he was the most boring guy I've ever met. It was true, but, well. He was hurting my arm." For some reason, talking about it calmed her. Reliving it calmed her. It hadn't been that bad, she assured herself. Just a shock, really.

"He had hold of your arm?" Forcing herself to calm, Lily ordered herself to focus on the facts. Why, she wasn't sure.

"Yes. When I finally pulled my arm away, that's when he - he just kind of hit my shoulder. Really, Lily, I don't think he even meant to. I think he was trying to grab me - it didn't hurt, honestly. I was just kind of shocked."

"Show me." Lily angled herself. "Show me how he hit you."

"Lily -"

"_Lydia_."

"Fine." Lydia's voice was sulky, but she made a loose fist, and hit Lily's shoulder. "It was a little harder than that, I suppose. Just a little."

"That's not trying to grab you, Lydie, that's hitting you. The bastard." She'd had, on her way over here, had a lump in her throat, of fear and shock and concern. Now it was back, formed of sympathy and anger that someone had dared to hurt her closest friend, had dared to strike someone as small and fragile and innocent as Lydia.

"I hit him back." Lydia told her. Her voice was slightly stronger now, only because she could see how upset Lily looked.

"Good. Good."

"He looked as shocked as me. I hit him back - it wasn't, you know, hard or anything. I'm not strong enough to hurt. And, and no matter how many times Mitch tried to teach me to punch, I never learned to do it right. He said he was sorry. I think he was. I just left, I walked away, and he just stood there. I, I apparated as soon as..." She trailed off, realising she was rambling. Stupid, she told herself, to get so shaken over nothing.

Lily tugged up her sleeve before Lydia could stop her. Small bruises were forming. "And that's where he had hold of your arm. God, Lydie." Her voice shook.

"It's not - Lily…It's not that bad. Really. It wasn't - it was just an argument that got out of hand, and, that -" She gestured to the bruises his fingers had left, "- I mean that's nothing, really, I bruise easy, and it's not the first time someone's left marks like that. Everyone has, really."

"It's not the same, Lydie." And, to Lydia's horror, Lily's eyes filled with tears. "He _hurt_ you. He hurt you and he bruised you. Anything could've happened."

"I know. I know." And it was Lily, so she didn't have to be strong. "I was scared, Lily. For a moment, I was so scared."

By the time Lily's arms came around her, they both had tears running down their faces.

----------------

"He's called a few times, yeah. But, seriously, it's fine." Lydia toyed with her hair with one hand. Lily was holding the other one. She'd spent the night here, and barely let her out of her sight. Though Lydia kept saying it wasn't necessary, she appreciated it.

"It's not fine." Mitch said sharply. "He _hit_ you, Lydia." And if it wasn't for his little sister begging him not to hunt him down, the guy would be in a lot of pain himself right now. He could barely keep the anger under control.

"And I hit him back." Lydia replied evenly.

"That makes it OK." Mitch replied sarcastically. "Let me and James go over there -"

"No. Leave it. It's over." She couldn't explain why she didn't want it. Somehow, Mitch's revenge would make the whole thing seem so much worse.

"Lydia, promise me." Lily said quietly. "He comes here again, don't talk to him. No matter what he says. Don't - don't let him in, don't -"

"Of course I won't. I was finished with him anyway. And I don't need to hear him say he's sorry again."

"You just tell him, if he keeps coming round, your brothers'll show him just how sorry he can be." James replied grimly.

"Brothers?" Lysander repeated. He'd barely spoken since Lorcan had woken him in the morning, telling him that they were going to Lydia's, right now. Lorcan had explained while he had dressed, and Lysander had felt sick ever since. He was sat across the room from Lydia, and though all he wanted was to go to her, sit beside her and hold her close. And he knew that he shouldn't; so he didn't.

James looked at him. "Yeah. Ally and I are married. Lydia's my sister too, now. And no one hits my sister. Whether she hits him back or not." The last sentence was directed at Lydia, who only shook her head and offered him a small smile. Allison was, she knew, on her way over, just waiting for Rose to arrive to watch the baby. Not necessary, of course. Not at all. But she felt so much better for it.

"And you're the closest thing I've ever had to a sister." Lorcan told Lydia quietly. He was perched on the arm of the sofa she and Lily were on. Lydia smiled at him, and covered his hand with hers. She could've told him everything he meant to her, but she knew it wasn't necessary.

Lysander looked at them; Lily, Lydia and Lorcan, side by side, hands linked. Hugo was on Lily's other side, and he had a hand on her shoulder. He'd arrived just after Lorcan and Lysander had, crouched before Lydia and murmured quietly to her. Checking, Lysander was sure, that she was OK. So they were there, before him, the four of them together, linked.

If this had happened a year or so ago, he'd have been beside them. Now, he was across the room, separate, and it was killing him.

"'Bout you, Zander? You gonna play protective brother, too?" Lily asked him, and he knew that she still hadn't forgiven him for ending things with Lydia. Was hardly fair, he figured, wasn't his fault, and God knew there were times he regretted it. But Lily was bound to side with Lydia, wasn't she?

"Lydia knows how important she is to me." He said finally. Lily muttered something under her breath, and Lorcan met his gaze, silently checking he was OK. Lorcan, who easily thought of Lydia as his sister, without thinking about the technical aspect, with hesitation or confusion. And Lysander realised he couldn't put it off any longer.

He stood, glanced around the room without meeting anyone's eyes. "I need to go. Something I have to do. You'll be OK?" He finally looked at Lydia, who nodded.

As he left, he heard Mitch informing Lydia that he'd be staying with her for a few nights. For some reason, it made Lysander feel better.

-----------------

"Grandma? I…Can we talk? Just, I know you're busy., but just for a minute…" He hovered in the kitchen of Phoenix House. The wizarding orphanage had been going for longer than Lysander had been alive, and Molly was still in charge of it.

Molly looked at him for a moment, then nodded. "Of course. Sit down. Do you want something to eat?"

He smiled slightly, and shook his head. "No, no, I'm good." He waited until she sat opposite him, then spoke. "I need to ask you something. It's probably going to sound weird, but it…I really have to know."

He'd rehearsed this, multiple times, but he was struggling to remember a word of it.

"I don't want you to be - to be mad at me, or upset."

"Zander. Nothing you can ask me will upset or anger me." Molly told him. A lie, he thought. There were lots of things he could ask that would do just that, he was sure, but he knew she was trying to put him at ease and so couldn't be annoyed at the lie.

"I just…Please, don't take this the wrong way. I love you and Granddad and everyone. I just don't understand why…why you treat me like family." He'd expected the words to hang in the air, for some kind of dramtatics. Instead, Molly inclined her head and answered him instantly.

"You are family." She replied simply, looking at him curiously.

"Not - not technically. I mean, I'm not _really_ your grandson -"

"Lysander." That was all the elaboration Molly needed. "The day you and your brother were born, I was right there, in the room. Your mother was so scared. You know that the doctors were a little worried about her, and she was at St. Mungos."

"I know." Nothing serious, he'd been told whenever he'd asked, and so he'd never found out exactly why the doctors were concerned.

"I was right beside Luna when she had the two of you. She gripped my hand, and your father's. And when your parents had finished holding you for the first time, I held the both of you. And when you two got older, you'd walk towards me and Arthur, unsteadily, grinning hugely. You called me Grandma, called Arthur Granddad, because you heard the others call us that, and I was thrilled. You were ours, don't you see? As much as any of the others. You may not be connected to us by blood, Lysander, but you are mine."

"But…but _why_? I never did _anything_ to deserve it. I never earned it."

"Does love have to be earned, Lysander?"

"Yes. Yes, it does. Love and trust and respect all have to be earned. They…they're too important to be given for no reason."

"Right." He couldn't tell if she was annoyed or not. "Then you earned it, Zander, the day you first smiled at me. The day you cried, so loud, so hard that your face went red and made your mother panic, until I held you and you silenced, curled against me, and went to sleep. The day you took those first steps towards me. The day you first called me Grandma. The day you brought me a picture," she laughed a little, "that was nothing but circles and scribbles, and told me it was our family. The day you…you came to me, on the - the anniversary, saw that I was upset, and hugged me and asked me not to be sad. There's a million little things, Zander, that earned it."

"I didn't mean to make you mad." He didn't know what to say. What to do. How to feel.

"I'm not mad, Zander. This is you. I won't pretend I expected this question, but I'm not surprised by it. I only wish you asked me sooner. How long has this been bothering you?"

"Ah, um, I guess I always wondered. But it was, the last couple of years, I guess. See, when Lorcan and Rose got together, I just started wondering, how exactly…because, obviously, they're not related, but at the same time that was how I thought of Rose, and…I just wondered how we were…defined…"

"Does it really matter what role you play in the family?" She asked. "Does everyone have to be an uncle, cousin, brother? Can't people just _be_ family?"

"I guess. I suppose I never thought of it as an…abstract kind of thing."

"Because you're a literal person." Molly smiled fondly at him. "I want you to know, Lysander, that no matter what, no matter what you are, what you do, where you go, you belong here. You are family."

He nodded. "Thanks. I guess I just needed reminding."

"You'll stay for dinner." She told him.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'll stay."

It was, after all, where he belonged.


	13. Chapter 13

Couldn't resist the Lily/Scorpius bit at the end. Thanks to reviewers.

Chapter 13

Lysander was extremly unhappy with himself.

He knew, he _knew_ with all rationality that he wasn't what Lydia wanted. Wasn't what she needed. And vice versa. They were all wrong for each other.

But he couldn't help himself from thinking that she'd never have been hurt - and even though she maintained she wasn't actually _hurt_ it didn't change the fact that some excuse for a man had hit her - if they'd still be together. She'd never have been with the guy if they'd still been together.

She should've been with him.

That was the thought circling around Lysander's mind, and he couldn't afford to let it stay there. He'd end up doing something stupid.

He glared at himself in the bathroom mirror. "I'm not what she needs. I could never be what she needs."

And that, wasn't that the worst of it? If it had been any other girl, he could easily change his mind and try to talk her round. But not Lydia. Though he was missing her like crazy, though he hated being awkward with her, though he wasn't sure being just friends would ever be enough again, he couldn't try to get her back.

Well, he could probably figure out all the right things to say. Probably make her forgive him, take him back. But he wouldn't, because he cared about her too much. He wouldn't force her to endure more of him, not when she wanted, needed, more than he could ever be.

He sighed and met his reflection's eyes. "You messed it up, Scamander. You deal with it."

--------------------

"Stupid girl." Lydia said into her own mirror. The same mirror that had, only days ago, told her just how stupid she was.

Lydia had been told before that she was naive. Never with cruelty; people seemed to find it endearing. Now, she despised herself for it. Her reflection looked back with hurt and annoyance in the eyes. "This ain't a fairytale." She told herself clearly. "There won't be a happy ending."

She closed her eyes for a moment, annoyed that with the other stuff that was going on, Lysander was the one she was thinking about. Lysander was the one who'd hurt her, really, even though she bore the bruises from someone else. And Lysander was the one she loved, the one who, even though she knew she shouldn't, she wanted.

Opening her eyes, she raised a hand, touched her fingertips to the cool glass. "Get over it, kid. He was never yours."

And still, still it hurt. She'd never been one for regrets, until now.

-------------------

He walked into the pub, telling himself that he had to, that they had to get back to normal, otherwise he'd be still talking to himself in the bathroom mirror next year.

"Hey." He murmured when he reached the bar. She'd seen him enter, watched him approach, but couldn't quite manage a smile.

"Hi." Lydia looked him over, and ached.

"Um, mead, please?" He stammered. With a nod, she handled his drink. She couldn't remember the last time she'd served anyone without talking to them at all; and yet she couldn't find anything to say. It wasn't just the hurt. It was the embarrassment. She'd given more to him than either of them had realised, and she was embarrassed about it.

"Here you go." She murmured, because she had to make some sound, anything.

"Thanks." A long moment passed silently, while she looked at the bar and he looked at her. "Lydia…" The word was filled with apology, and she suddenly found she couldn't hear it. She didn't want his apologies. All he'd done, she told herself, was not love her, and he shouldn't have to apologise for his feelings.

"Don't." She said, her voice slightly louder, more forceful. "Just don't."

He nodded, sipped his drink, and decided that he couldn't do this alone.

--------------

"Lily?" It still felt a little weird to walk into her house, to know she was a grown up, a married woman. He supposed a part of him would always think of her as the big-eyed kid who'd always been beside him.

"Zander. Hi." She stood, closing the folder she'd been flicking through.

"You're working. I can come back later…"

"No. Distract me, I beg you. Sit. What's wrong?"

"How'd you know something's wrong?" He sat in the chair, angled himself towards her.

"Please, don't insult my intelligence. What is it?" She still hadn't completely forgiven him, but he had been her friend for too many years for her to shut him out.

"Lydia. We, well, I know you know all about that. And know you're mad at me because of it. But, Lily, we're all messed up now and I don't know how to fix it. Help me." There was no need for pride, for dancing around the topic, for trying to salvage dignity. There was no point.

"What do you want, Zander?" Lily asked him quietly. "What do you want from her?"

"To be back to normal. To be back to friends." He told her. And some part of his mind whispered _liar._

"That's it? That's all you want?" Lily tilted her head. It was a lie, and that was obvious to her.

"Yes."

"Zander."

"It is." When she only looked at him, he shook his head. "OK, maybe I - but we can't go back to _that_. It's not enough for her. It's not what she wants. _I'm_ not -"

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard it all from Lydia. You want different things, you aren't right for each other, neither of you can give the other what they want. I think you're both stupid. She's the best thing that ever happened to you, Zander. If you had any sense you'd be begging her to take you back and keep you forever."

He almost laughed at the last phrase, but shook his head. "Maybe she is. But she deserves better than me."

"Excuse me? Are you serious? I've seen Lydia with different guys. And I've never seen her as happy as she was with you. She was definitely the best thing to happy to you, Zand, and I think you could've been the best thing to happy to her, too. Before you got stupid."

"That's…Of course I'm not…That's irrelevant, anyway." Even if it had some part of him longing for what they'd had. "She wants something permanent. And I'm not ready to be, what did you say, kept forever -"

"Ready? You're not _ready_? My God, Zander, that's not how it works." She half laughed at him. "Do you think I was ready to spend forever with Scorpius? To fall in love with him? That's not how it happens. It doesn't just wait for you to decide you're ready. It happens, and you know, you should count yourself lucky when it does."

"I…" He closed his mouth. "I'm not…It's not like that. I'm not in love with Lydia."

She paused, and realised she'd mentioned love. And then, looking at him, understood why. The smirk spread across her face. "Yes, you are. I can't believe I actually realised before Lydia did. I _never _see it before she does. You are. It's all over your face. That's why you're so bothered that you guys are messed up. You are in love with her."

He tried to stammer denials; and couldn't. He tried to tell her, tell himself she was wrong, and couldn't.

"Damn. Damn. Damn damn damn." He muttered.

"No, no, this is good." Lily's voice was lit with giddiness and she shifted in her seat like an excited child. "She's the same. I was mad at you for making her fall for you and not feeling the same, but you do, so it's OK. And I don't care what you say, you are ready to be kept forever. It's what you want, you're just scared."

"Yeah, I'm scared." He muttered. He couldn't do this. He couldn't be like this. Before his thoughts had fully sorted, he was speaking. "I have to go. I have to pack." He jumped to his feet; she stood, too, and grabbed his arm.

"Excuse me?"

"I have to go. I have to leave. I'll go back to - to - I don't know. Away. I just have to get away. I can't be in love. I don't know how. And she - she wants -"

"Sit." She pushed him back into his seat. "You're an idiot. You're not leaving the fricking country, Lysander, because you're scared. You're not a goddamn kid anymore, Zand, you're not running again." She looked at him for a moment. "Lydia - she told me about you and - last time you left. When you thought…"

He flushed. "She told you." He was only slightly surprised.

"Yeah. Right after you broke up. She was trying to make me understand why it was over, and make it clear she'd said some things she shouldn't have. And, well, she was mad, and she didn't like keeping it from me. But you were still practically a kid back then, and so I get it, I get why you went away to sort yourself out. But this is different. Zander, you can't run away from her."

"I wasn't in love with you. I was just - stupid. I…This is…This time it's real. God, Lily, it's real and I don't know what to do."

"You don't run away. You're better than that." She replied evenly. He sighed, sat back down.

"I've been trying to talk myself out of trying to get her back. I swear, Lily, I'm losing it. I missed you all while I was away. I came home because I couldn't take it anymore. It hurt, being away. Every time I thought of home…But that was nothing compared to this."

"That's love, buddy."

He laughed, almost bitterly. "That'd explain it. Last night, I was thinking how I missed arguing with her. How stupid it that? We had, like, two arguments. And I was just thinking that I missed arguing, having her scream at me over stupid things. I never realised how mad she could make me, you know?"

"I know."

"You said she feels the same…"

"Yeah." She felt only the slightest guilt for saying it. "She's in love with you. She's miserable without you."

"If she'd…if she'd asked for me back…I could barely stop myself begging her to come back to me, I couldn't have said no. That's love, isn't it? I didn't even realise it, but I sit here now and I know, I, I started falling for her right from the begining, when I got home. I've never felt like this about anyone. God, Lily, I'd do anything for her. I'd die for her and I wouldn't even mind. Damn."

For a moment, Lily's thoughts drifted to her own relationship, before she pulled herself back. "She won't come back easy, Zander. You probably think you know all the right things to say, but it's not enough."

"But - if I tell her how I feel -"

She shook her head. "Give her a memory, Zander. Something she'll think about in another ten years, something she'll tell her kids about one day. Lydia needs that, she needs the romance of it, the story."

"What exactly am I supposed to do?" He swallowed, because he couldn't deny that he wanted her back. Couldn't deny that he had to have her back to feel right again. And it scared him.

"Ah. You need to think that one up all on your own, mate. It has to be from the heart, otherwise it doesn't count."

"I was afraid you'd say something like that. I don't know what she'll go for. She's a complicated girl." He muttered.

"Yup. It's why we love her. Go on, get home, think it over. When you decide, if you need any help…"

"Yeah. Sure. Thanks, Lily."

She walked him to the door, hugged him goodbye, and then walked over to the desk. It was almost eight, and she knew Scorpius would be the only one still working.

The note was simple; she asked him to come home.

Fifteen minutes after she'd sent it to him, the front door opened. Scorpius stood in the hallway, and looked at her sheepishly. "Hey."

"You came home." She murmured.

"Course I did. You asked me to."

And that, Lily thought as she crossed to him, was love.


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for the reviews. The next chapter will be the last.

Chapter 14

She hated being miserable. Lydia had bypassed, mostly, the angst-filled teenage years, managing to stay happy enough. Of course, she'd had her moments, and she'd been worried and scared and uncertain as she'd come closer to leaving Hogwarts.

But this… This was something else. It wouldn't _stop_. No matter what she did, she couldn't quite bring herself to be happy, and she hated herself for it. This wasn't her, this wasn't what she did. After things ended with her first love, she wallowed for a day and a half before bouncing back. Maybe it had been another few weeks before she was _completely_ herself again, but she definitely hadn't spent those weeks fully miserable, barely able to force a smile. Hell, she'd managed to forget all about Seb for long stretches of time during her post-break-up sadness, and wasn't the first love supposed to be the hardest to get over?

This was worse. This was worse than any break-up she'd ever had. The misery, the abnormally dark moods, the amount of times her thoughts strayed to Zander… She despised herself for letting him matter that much, letting him do this to her. And in her darkest moments, she blamed him, too. She loved him - that was the kicker, that it wouldn't fade, at all - but sometimes she hated him more. When she'd lay awake at night, listening the sounds her house made in the dark, she thought about what she'd been reduced to, and hated him for it.

__

I'll get over it.

She told herself, staring off into space. _I'll get over it, and then everything'll be OK again._

It wasn't as if she was completely hopeless, after all. She knew she could live without Lysander. Of course she could. Life just wouldn't be as fun.

"Lydie?" Ally sat beside her, rested a hand for a moment on her knee. They were at the Burrow, surrounded by family, and Lydia had been sat, alone, on the sofa. "Are you OK?"

"Mmm. Fine. Ah, tired." Sure she was tired. Hadn't she spent most of last night cursing Zander for making her feel like this, for reducing to some pitiful girl? For making her miss him, for making it so hard to forget about him? She'd had moments where she thought that, if not for him, she'd never have had her little drama with bank guy.

She'd back tracked on that immediately, though. That was hardly his fault, really, was it? Everything else, though, she felt justified in blaming him for, if only in the dark.

"Is this about what happened with that - the other night?" Anger slipped into Ally's voice, mingled with the concern. Lydia shook her head.

"Hardly thought about it." She admitted. "Really. It was, at the time, yeah, but it's not something that's bothering me. He hasn't even tried to contact me since the morning after."  
Ally made a neutral sound. In actual fact, he'd been to the pub, hoping to catch her there. Ally was still unclear on what exactly had happened, but James, who had been there with Mitch at the time, assured her the guy wouldn't be anywhere near Lydia again.

She supposed she ought to tell them off for it, remind them that females were capable of handling themselves, and didn't need men to shield or protect them. But James was a protective person - and she knew that he'd have reacted the same way if Lydia wasn't a girl - and Mitch had never stood by and allowed one of his sisters to be hurt. Plus, she was so angry about it herself that all she cared about was that he'd leave her family alone now.

"So what's bothering you, then? You haven't been yourself for a while, now." Before the incident, Ally realised suddenly. "Is it just the house? I know it can be weird to adjust -"

"No. I love the house. And Mitch's been sleeping on the sofa the last couple nights." And while she understood, and was touched by, his reasons for doing so, she hoped he'd return to his own home soon. When Lydia had bitter night time rants, she didn't want to have to worry about being overheard. When she couldn't sleep, she didn't want to be confined to her room so as not to wake her brother. "It's nothing, Ally. I'm just being stupid."

_Stupid_ she repeated silently. Very stupid, and she had to stop. This wasn't her, and hadn't she told Zander she wouldn't change for anyone? Looking back at her sister, Lydia forced the brightest smile she could. "Where's my nephew?"

---------------------

Zander had spent half the night thinking about it, struggling, considering and rejecting ideas. And then, when he'd been just about to fall asleep, it had occurred to him. Lydia had practically _told _him, and really, she wasn't that complicated.

Now, he watched her from across the room. Ally, beside her, called something to James, who walked over with their son. The moment Lydia accepted Mason, her face lit up, and Zander smiled slightly. He'd barely slept lately for thinking about her, for remembering. It was, he thought now, watching her with her nephew, stupid to have believed he could live without her, or just have her as a friend. He wanted more, needed more, and he refused to think about this not working. It had to.

And if that failed, maybe he'd break down and cry. Hell, it was worth a shot.

"Hey. You got anything planned yet, or are you just going to stare at her all day?" Lily's voice made him jump.

"When did you get there?" He asked, turning to look at her. He could swear she hadn't been stood beside him a second ago.

"I was waiting for you to realise you were staring at her. But you didn't. Lorcan noticed too, but he just smirked, so I'm guessing he's knows about all this." She grinned at him. It was, she thought, amazing to watch. Lysander in love. "So, come on, plans?"

"Yeah. I've got something figured out. It might not work, but, well, you'll talk her round for me, won't you?" He smiled winningly at her.

"Yeah, sure, that'll work." Her smirk faded a little as she saw genuine nerves in his eyes. Her expression, and her voice, sobered. "I'd give it my best shot, though, Zand."

"I'm giving it mine." He nodded.

"Need me to do anything, help?"

"No. I've got it all figured. I'm just waiting for my moment."

----------------

That moment came an hour later, when Lydia finally headed up the stairs. He abruptly ended a conversation with Lorcan and went after her.

He figured, as he hovered in the upstairs landing, that hanging around in a hallway, waiting for her, was more creepy than romantic, but it was too late to back down now.

The bathroom door opened, Lydia stepped out, then saw him. "Oh. Hi." She fought the sudden urge to slip back into the bathroom and stay there till he'd left. This would, she decided, be good for her. If she could pretend they were back to normal, eventually they would be.

"Hey. How are you?" His voice was casual.

"Fine. Yeah. Fine. How, ah, how're you?"

He nodded, then moved; in respose, so did she. Not quite where he wanted her, though. After a moment's hesitation, he simple reached out and shifted her. Her back facing the wall, she looked at him quizzically.

"Humour me." He murmured. "The bruises gone?"

"Ah, fading. It really was no big deal -"

"Yes, it was." He said flatly. "I'm sorry I wasn't…afterwards. I wasn't exactly a good friend."

Unsure how to respond, she shrugged. He moved a little closer. It occurred to her that she missed him standing close to her, missed being close enough to his eyes to see the little flecks of dark, dark blue against the lighter shade in his irises.

"I want to be your friend, Lydia." He was stalling. He knew he was stalling.

"I know. I know. We'll get there." He shifted a little closer, she was sure of it. She could smell him now, and realised she'd missed his scent, too. "I know you think you didn't do anything wrong, Zand, and maybe I was expecting too much from you, but I…It's just gonna take me a little while. But we can go back to just being friends, eventually." She hoped. God, she hoped.

"I don't want to be just friends, Lyd." He murmured, and before she'd really taken that in, his body was against hers, and his mouth on hers.

He pushed her against the wall - gently, gently, because she was small and fragile, his Lydia - and kissed her, kissed her and thought that he'd never stop, never give this up, give her up, never again. He was an idiot for not realising, an idiot for not understanding, and idiot for nearly denying himself this.

She'd never know how long she kissed him back before she was able to think again. Her first thought was that this was what she'd told him she'd wanted, weeks ago, admitting to it being a young teenage fantasy. Did he realise that, did he understand?

And then, finally, she pulled away, her hands pushing him lightly away - they didn't seem to want to, but she knew that it was smarter to stop him.

He moved back a little - close, still close - and moved his hands, resting them on her waist.

"Zander -"

"Just listen, OK, just listen. I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry, and you can spend the rest of our lives telling me what an idiot I am, just as long as you forgive me. I don't know what's wrong with me, really, but, hell, I'll go to St. Mungo's and get checked out if you want -"

"What? Zand -"

"Sorry, sidetracked." He forced himself to calm down, to suppress the giddy feeling. "Lily said you needed a gesture, a memory, and I wanted to do something big, something huge, for you, but, but, that's not…that's not us. This isn't a fairytale, this is real, and that's better, isn't it?"

"Of - of course." She was struggling to follow.

"That was the gesture, that - well, I hope you'll remember it forever. And, and you need the words. I should've given you the words ages ago, but I was a little slow."

Realising he was speaking fast, the words tumbling out, he forced himself to calm down, to slow down.

"Lydia, I love you. I'm in love with you."

Her eyes widened, and if not for the wall she'd have stumbled back in surprise. They were words she'd given up on hearing from him, and though she wanted, with all her heart, to believe them, she wasn't quite sure if she could.

"I didn't realise - and you deserve better than me, I know, but I can't stay away from you, so I'm going to have to ask you to settle. I'm the one who understands you, Lydia, and I swear sometimes you get me better than I do."

"Zand…" Her head was buzzing, and she could barely take it all in.

"You belong with me, Lydia. There's not a single guy out there who can give you what you want. You could look for the rest of your live for them - but I'm right here, I've been right here the whole time. I've been going crazy without you, I've been miserable. I'll love you, Lydia, until I die, more than anyone else ever could. I'll be proud of you, and tell everyone what you are to me. I'll put you first, above all else, because it's what you deserve. I can be everything you want, Lydia, if you'll let me try."

She shook her head, overwhelmed, thrilled, shocked. "You don't need to. You already are. Be sure, Zander, be damn sure, because this is _it._" Her voice shook, just a little. "No more running away. And I'm not a goddamn obligation -"

"Never. You never could be." He felt like laughing, like crying, like a million things.

"I gave you my heart." She told him solemnly.

"I'm giving you mine." He replied seriously. And that, she thought, was all she needed.

It was she who kissed him, this time, with a kind of desperation she'd never experienced before. Breaking away, she shook her head again, her hands on his shoulders - maybe she'd never let go of him again - his arms loosely around her waist.

"You are an idiot. God, I can't believe you put me through all that and let me believe you were fine. There were times I hated you, hated you so much, and hated myself."

"Right back at you." He laughed a little. "I said I was sorry. God, I love you. I love that smile. Haven't seen it in a while." His voice softened, and he brushed her hair from her face gently. "I swear I'll never make it go away again."

She lowered her head to his shoulder. "I couldn't stop thinking about you. I realised I loved you, and, and I couldn't stop thinking about it. I made myself so miserable."

"You're everything I want. Everything I need. Everything that I said, when we, when we broke up, I never meant it. I thought I did… Turns out, I was just running scared."

She nodded. "I, I swear I won't ask you to be anything but yourself. You're not perfect, and neither am I, and that's - that's what makes us real. I love you, for who you are, and you have to remember that."

He nodded. "No more stupidity. I thought…I thought I'd have to watch you find someone, someone who'll actually treat you like I should've done, someone who was what you wanted, and it'd've killed me."

She'd thought she'd never be able to forgive him. Turns out, it was easy.

"There's no one." She told him quietly. "Only you."


	15. Chapter 15

Last chapter, guys. I will write more next-gen stuff, but I'm not completly sure when, or who about.

Big, big thanks to anyone who's stuck with this, and reviewed, and especially those who've read and reviewed my other stories, too.

Chapter 15

"Scorpius…" Lily would have rather liked to have stayed in the living room and wait for Lydia and Lysander to come back down the stairs, but her husband picked that moment to drag her out into the garden with him. "What is it?"

He rolled his eyes at her. "Still impatient. Don't ever change."

She laughed a little. "I wont. Promise. What's up?"

He shook his head, tugged her hand and led her to the bottom of the garden. There were memories here, thousands of them, from running around it as a small, small child, chasing her brothers, or making daisy chains with Lydia - she'd never quite got the knack for it - to the first time Scorpius had mingled with her family, or third time when they'd snuck around the corner of the house and kissed until she felt dizzy, and then done the same the first time she here as Mrs Potter-Malfoy, to Dominique giving birth on the grass almost two years ago, much to the shock and panic of almost everyone.

"I know I've been working a lot lately. I know it bothered you."

She shrugged a little. "You came home when I asked you to. That's all that counts." And she still couldn't quite explain why that meant so much to her.

He made an amused sound, lowered his head for a second. "You understand, though, why? Why I was…"

"Yeah. Yeah, I get it. But, Scorpius, to me, and the family, to everyone who matters, your name - it's not -"

"I know. But I don't want you to ever be made to feel ashamed because my name's on the end of yours. I don't want to have to be ashamed of it myself. I don't want our kids growing up facing hostility because their last name is Malfoy."

"Half their last name, and they'll face hostility from some people because of the Potter." She told him. It half amused her that they were calmly discussing kids they didn't yet have.

"I know. It was just something I had to do. It's not right, and it's not fair, but I had to work twice as hard as anyone else there to prove I was as good as them, to prove I was good enough. It annoyed you that I went into work this morning."

"I thought you'd skip coming here. You've missed a lot of stuff lately."

"I know. I had to go in, though, Lily. It paid off. I got promoted this morning."

For a moment, she only stared of him. "Are you serious? That's - you said there was no chance of them -" With a kind of laughing shriek, she launched herself at him.

"I didn't think I had a chance." He said as he caught her. "But I, I had to try. This is what I wanted, and it's more money, and I'll finally get some respect in that place instead of being looked down on."

"You deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone. I'm so proud of you."

"I won't be working like that ever again. I swear. I didn't mean to leave you alone so often."

"It's OK. It doesn't matter. You've always supported me, and I, I get I should've been more -"

He silenced her with a kiss, and she thought that everything was back again. This was how they were supposed to be.

----------------------

"You don't have to do this." Lydia murmured as they walked slowly down the stairs. "You maybe should tell Lorcan first, or -"

"No. This works. Unless you'd rather let _your_ immediate family know first -"

She tightened her hand in his. "No. OK." Not a big deal, Lydia mused. She was only going to announce to everyone who mattered to her that she was in love, and with Lysander Scamander, no less.

They walked into the living room, still hand in hand. Nothing changed; the noisy talking and laughter continued, little Dora Lupin chased her youngest sister around the room. Finally, Lorcan looked up, caught sight of them and grinned.

"S'about time. Hey, Lily!" When Lily, who was curled in a chair with Scorpius, looked up, he nodded towards Lydia and Lysander. Lily looked over and grinned wider than Lorcan. She said nothing; words weren't necessary. Lydia caught herself grinning back.

"Uh, something you want to share?" Hugo asked loudly. Looking from the two of them to Lorcan and then Lily, he looked insulted. "This is what was going on? Was I the only one out of the loop?"

"Sorry, Hugo." Lydia barely hid the smirk. "We'll tell you all about it later."

"You going to tell everyone else about it, too?" Ally asked, looking at Lydia with raised eyebrows. Silence fell slowly, but it fell.

"There a story here, Squirt?" Mitch asked, with an innocence that told her he knew at least parts of it. She shouldn't have been surprised, really.

Both Lydia and Lysander surveyed the room. Not a single negative expression looked back at them, and neither Lydia nor Lysander could ever have put into words how much that meant to them.

Lydia relaxed, broke away from Lysander, sat down. And prepared to tell her love story.

---------------------

__

Two years later

She moved from room to room, greeting people, accepting congratulations. There were flowers everywhere and they were starting to make her nose itch, and there were so many people in her house - not just hers, theirs, now, hers and Zander's - that the temperature was on the wrong side of comfortable.

But she didn't care. Nothing could ruin her day.

Lydia had never put much thought into her wedding day. She'd wanted to meet the right guy, of course, and wanted to marry, but the actual day - well, that was just one day of her life, wasn't it, and it wasn't that important.

Still, she'd always remember this, and always think of it as perfect. She'd remember the decorations that Lily and Rose and Ally had painstakingly chosen and hung. She'd remember the smiles of everyone she cared about as she'd walked down the stairs and into the living room where Lysander was stood by that fireplace. She'd remember Molly crying, then her mother, then Luna, as they recited their vows. She'd remember every word of those vows.

For as long as she lived, Lydia wouldn't forget a minute of today.

"Hey." Lily grabbed her, grinning. "How's things, Mrs Scamander?"

Lydia grinned. "Everything's perfect. How long until this feeling fades?"

"The giddy, I'm-married feeling? Few weeks at least."

"And the giddy in-love feeling?"

Lily glanced away, and, as always, found her husband easily in the crowd. "I'll let you know when it happens." She murmured.

Lorcan grabbed her next, hugging her. "How're you feeling, sis?"

She grinned at that, nodded. "Great. Can't get rid of me now, can you? Always gonna be your sister."

"Best one I could ask for." He told her solemnly. "Seriously, I just wanted to say - there's no one I'd rather see with Zand, no one I'd rather have in my family."

"Thank you." She replied simply, her gratitude in her eyes.

Lysander watched them, his brother and his wife, and then looked around the crowded house. They'd grown slightly over the last couple of years, this family, but overall, they hadn't changed.

And they were his. Every one of them. Molly - who was beaming proudly, talking to everyone, and bouncing Jasper, Ally and James' recently adopted son, on her knee, was his grandmother. Lysander took a moment to to watch the boy, who had the brightest smile he'd ever seen, and wondered if, one day, Molly would be bouncing his own kid on her knee. He hoped so.

He had uncles, here, and aunts and cousins. Ally had, earlier, kissed him loudly and told him he was her new brother, which he felt very good about.

He sipped his drink, and thought, with some amusement, that just a few short years ago he'd ran away to find out where he belonged. He'd travelled the whole world in his search, and only now did he understand.

This was where he belonged, where he always had belonged, and where he always would do. This was his family, his world, right here.

"Hey." Lydia smiled at him as she joined him. He smiled back at her, remembering how she'd looked when she'd walked towards him, how she'd smiled as she said her vows, and how her eyes had filled with tears as he'd said his own.

"Hey." He murmured, and slipped an arm around her.

Yes. Right here was exactly where he belonged.


End file.
